Holidays

One Man, Two Ridiculous Fake Profiles, and Three Online Dating Sites: Can You Get a Valentine's Date Online?

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I had never engaged in any online dating before, so I asked around. Three names kept coming up: OKCupid, Plenty of Fish, and Tinder. So I chose those three for my experiment.

But as I was about to make my profile, another question kept popping into my head: What kind of person succeeds in the world of online dating? Is it different from actual dating? Can you get away with more? Or less? Essentially, what do girls look for in a virtual partner?

To help figure this out, I made two profiles for each site. Each profile would represent two completely opposite sides of the spectrum. The good guy versus the bad boy.

Meet the good guy:

This is Rian (notice the sensitive spelling of the name Ryan).

Rian is a good person -- maybe too good a person. He's the kind of guy who would gladly help you move. Then after you're done moving, he'd give you a hug. Then he'd bring you homemade muffins every day for the next three weeks because "a home is not a home without warm muffins."

Rian loves poetry, baking, the ocean, and Joni Mitchell. He doesn't curse, and he will always ask to hold your baby. He is the human equivalent of a Labrador retriever, and he is here for one reason and one reason only: love.

This is bad boy Ryan (hereafter referred to as Douche Bag Ryan).

Douche Bag Ryan is, well, a douchebag. And if you didn't already know that simply by looking at a picture of him, you might be a douchebag too.

Douche Bag Ryan is here to bone and only to bone. He likes going to the gym, hates turn signals, and has a tentative grasp on the English language.

He is the type of person who would make a Google Plus account just so he can continue to call people gay in YouTube comments.

So now the match is set. Good versus Evil. Sweet sensitivity versus brute sex drive. Kittens versus the gym.

Round one: Plenty of Fish.

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Ryan Pfeffer is Miami New Times’ music editor. After earning a BS in editing, writing, and media from Florida State University, Ryan joined the New Times staff in November 2013 as a web editor, where he coined the phrase "pee-tweet" (to retweet someone while urinating). Born and raised in Fort Lauderdale, he’s now neck-deep in bass and booty in the 305.
Contact: Ryan Pfeffer