One Man, Two Ridiculous Fake Profiles, and Three Online Dating Sites: Can You Get a Valentine's Date Online?

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Plenty of Fish

Plenty of Fish (AKA PoF) doesn't pretend to be anything it isn't. There are no cheesy quotes about finding the love of your life or starting meaningful relationships. There are ads on the top of the page to "meet RICH sugar mommys [sic] in Florida" and find Russian girls. It's not specified whether these Russian girls are attractive or at all pleasant, only that they are Russian.

PoF is stripped of the illusion that it exists for anything but sweaty, anonymous backseat Toyota sex.

And it's also where Douche Bag Ryan found his soulmate.

Can you feel the instant chemistry? Fuck you, Shakespeare. This is true romance.

Douche Bag Ryan has her on the ropes.

Down goes Frazier! (And humanity).

But all cynicism aside, that was beautiful. Did you see the way they connected? I wish everyone a relationship like that. They were two horny puzzle pieces, snapping together before our very eyes in an explosion of internet love.

Unfortunately, that was it for Douche Bag Ryan. Out of seven conversations, that was his only yes.

Rian didn't fare too well either. PoF just wasn't romantic enough for the guy. I think people assumed he was a serial killer when he didn't ask for boob pics in the first few lines.

Out of four conversations, this was Rian's only yes. After round one, we're tied.

Round two: OKCupid.

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Ryan Pfeffer is Miami New Times’ music editor. After earning a BS in editing, writing, and media from Florida State University, Ryan joined the New Times staff in November 2013 as a web editor, where he coined the phrase "pee-tweet" (to retweet someone while urinating). Born and raised in Fort Lauderdale, he’s now neck-deep in bass and booty in the 305.
Contact: Ryan Pfeffer