Dear Sen. Aronberg,
On behalf of woman all over Florida, I must thank you for proposing legislation that would make it illegal to use a mirror to look up our skirts. This eliminates one of the all-time most-pervy moves we're forced to endure on a semi-regular basis. But I have to wonder: Aren't there some loopholes this law won't address?
For instance, can you still:
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- Pretend to drop something at a woman's feet and "accidentally" look up?
- Stare at her chest while having an otherwise ordinary conversation because she's just so much taller than you?
- Let your hand wander onto the thigh of the lady sitting next to you on the bus?
- Innocently grab a girl's ass because the bar is so crowded and someone pushed you?
- Stumble, spill your beer on her pedicure, rest a hand on her chest to steady yourself, then grin idiotically?
Senator, I realize the world's economy is collapsing, real estate prices are plummeting, and the chivalry of Florida's overgrown frat boys may not be high on your list of priorities. But trust me, outlaw this crap, and we'll make sure EMILY's List has your back.
Your biggest fan