Power Rank Friday: DUI Busts, Crank Profs, and More Anus Tattoo, Please

The local personalities, egos, and public figures who swung through the news cycle this week, ranked by New Times' crack research department using a highly scientific algorithm (i.e., walking down South Beach last Monday night, calculating the ratio of weeping Irishmen compared with redneck testicles, multiplied to the Nth degree, twice.)

5. Florida Highway Patrol: As we told you over the holiday, police departments in South Florida opted not to put up traditional sobriety checkups. That doesn't mean the cops didn't snag drunk drivers. The FHP alone pulled over 550 Floridians between December 12 and January 2. According to the Sun-Sentinel, 82 arrests came in SoFlo.

4. James Tracy. If the Florida Atlantic University prof has proved anything this week, it's that even a no-name associate faculty member at a mid-range university most of America can't find on the map can be taken seriously as long as he says something offensively stupid. America! We'll see where Tracy takes his wannabe-Zinn act next. Hopefully, this will be the last time we'll have to type his name.

3. Tamarac Commissioner Harry Dressler. It's about time somebody said it in public. There's been a lot of pissed off people floating through Tamarac after somehow-not convicted felon Patricia Atkins-Grad got out of a corruption trial with a incredibly idiotic I'm-an-idiot defense and landed back in her old job. But the political class has been pretty mum on on the issue -- that is, until Monday, when Harry Dressler told his fellow commissioner to give up her gig.

2. Maria Louise Del Rosario, aka The Anus Tattoo Girl. Since we introduced the world to Del Rosario and her . . . unique assets, readers have pretty must lost it over all things Anus Tattoo-related. The original posting alone racked up 3 million views in the first 3 days. Rightfully so, Maria is trying to take advantage of her internet fame. She recently went live with a web site, Beautiful Disaster, which show-cases the goods. The spectrum ranges from tasteful (okay . . . maybe that's not the right word, but you get the idea) cheesecake, to some raunchier fare.

1. Sheriff Scott Israel. This week, it's hard not to crown a South Florida-focused power ranking with the guy who just climbed up to the position in the county with the most clout. After being sworn in this week, the new sheriff in town (sorry, had to do it) got right down to business, immediately suspending two BSO deputies currently under investigation in the Scott Rothstein affair.

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