Sports

Ray Allen and Chris Bosh Combine Superpowers to Help Heat Take 2-0 Series Lead Over the Nets

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1. Ray Allen Has Yet Again Earned the Right to Have You STFU About Him Forevermore It wasn't enough that he single-handedly saved our asses from being sucked into the dulling pain that is losing the NBA Finals. It wasn't enough that his shot in Game 6 is forever enshrined as one of the all-time greatest shots in the history of the Finals or that GET THOSE FUCKING YELLOW ROPES OUTTA HERE is a rallying cry for awesomeness. Nope. Some of you still slandered Ray this year. Whenever he's fallen into a scoring slump or looked slow on defense or lost his three-point-shooting groove, some of you still complained and bitched and moaned. I know because I see you on Twitter.

Well, KNOCK THAT SHIT OFF, DICKBUCKETS!

Ray Allen is now and forevermore untouchable. Game 6 solidified that. But his 13 points and monster fourth quarter against the Nets in last night's victory was just a reminder. Jesus Saves. No blaspheme.

Not only did Ray hit timely threes and pretty floaters but he also hustled for rebounds, played defense, and outplayed his old Celtic teammates Kevin Garnett and Paul Pierce in every facet.

So the Ray slandering ends here. ENOUGH, DAMN YOU.

2. LeBron James Had a Weird Overall Game Prior to Game 2, James said he saw triple teams constantly in the first game. He still managed to manacle the Nets' hopes of an upset to the back of a pickup and drove around town. But Game 2 was a little different. That is to say, LeBron was still awesome -- all things considered. But he was a little, I don't know... off?

The first half seemed like he was wading through mud. And he looked more interested in talking smack with Paul Pierce's pubey facial hair than he did playing basketball.

But then he finished the first half with four straight buckets, then hit a dagger three in the fourth and finished with 22 points and OK I'll shut up now.

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Chris Joseph
Contact: Chris Joseph