Florida Gov. Rick Scott and Texas Gov. Rick Perry brought their zany comedy-duo routine to the Palm Beach Strategic Forum at the Palm Beach County Convention Center on Monday when they both took the stage at the same time. It was like Lex Luthor and Montogmery Burns together in one room!
The Ricks spoke to roughly 400 or so people at a luncheon where they talked up GOPer things like cutting taxes and stuff for an international business gathering.
What a hoot!
The forum was moderated by Leigh Gallagher, an assistant managing editor at Fortune magazine, who apparently called Florida and Texas "two stunning success stories" for some inexplicable reason.
Yeah. That's it. Jobs.
Florida has added 279,500 private sector jobs since January 2011, when Scott took office. Texas has added 706,200 private jobs.
That's a shitload o' jobs. Sure, they probably don't pay enough to afford health insurance, and neither Florida nor Texas will be expanding Medicaid, but the success stories are stunningly stunning!
Meanwhile, Perry's been growing jobs in Texas the old-fashioned way -- by stealing them. He recently returned from California, where he spent $24,000 on ads to try to get businesses to come on over ta Texas where they got them big belt buckles and dem Hooooston Astros.
Meanwhile, Perry gave his full endorsement to Scott, because his BFF and fishing buddy is a darn tootin good govnher.
"Floridians would be foolish to remove a guy with his leadership and his record as we go into this next election cycle," Perry said.
Sure he's done nothin' but help his rich pals and screw Floridians out of getting health insurance and make it harder for for people to vote, and he has done nothing about gun control in the state and slashed funding for school and never came through with that high-speed rail thing, and he wants people to be randomly drug-tested for no good reason and has not had good approval ratings in over a year, but you'd be foolish not to put that guy back in the governor's mansion!
Perry also spoke about luring the Paul Mitchell hair products company to Texas, mainly so he can make a joke about Rick Scott.
Because he's bald, you see.
"You don't know about that," Perry said to Scott. "You don't waste any time in the morning working on your hair, brother."
HA. HA. HA. THAT THERE'S A JOKE, SON. NOW LET'S GO KILL US SOME STEER AND HAVE ONE O' MY MEXICANS BAR-BEE-CUEE IT FER US!