Having a baby is many things: wonderful, scary, exuberant, life-affirming, and life-changing.
Rick Scott wants to add "creepy as shit" to that list.
Governor Voldemort has teamed up with Hallmark and several local hospitals to send cards to new moms with greetings, congratulations, and immunization advice.
Scott insists that this isn't about playing politics, or
wanting to eat your new baby's soul pandering or anything like that.
It's all about reminding moms that health is important, because that gets forgotten between all the pushing and pain and eating ice chips.
Hospitals say the first cards will be shipping out soon.
The Gov's baby cards will encourage health education and immunization info, in both English and Spanish.
It's just as if Rick was right there in the hospital room with you, scaring the bejesus out of your newborn.
One example of a card signed by Rick and Mrs. Rick that you and your new baby will be getting has a baby mouse snuggling on a leaf with the message:
"Delicate. Tiny. Precious. Yours. CONGRATULATIONS"
Simple. Nuanced. Lucid. And an AN ALL CAPS CONGRATS TO TOP IF OFF!
Even in his best intentions, Scott can't help but creep you out with his reptilian awkwardness. Just the way he rolls, y'all.
Hey, at least it's not Obama sending out cards to newborns under the guise of "health" and "education." Because he'd just be keeping tabs on our children for his future KenyanSocialistFascistCommie Army.
So we can all let out a sigh of relief on that one!
We Believe Local Journalism is Critical to the Life of a City
Engaging with our readers is essential to New Times Broward-Palm Beach's mission. Make a financial contribution or sign up for a newsletter, and help us keep telling South Florida's stories with no paywalls.