Rick Scott Taking Suggestions for Jobs to Do; We Opine | The Daily Pulp | South Florida | Broward Palm Beach New Times | The Leading Independent News Source in Broward-Palm Beach, Florida


Rick Scott Taking Suggestions for Jobs to Do; We Opine

Gov. Rick Scott's office announced yesterday that he's ripping off former Gov. and Sen. Bob Graham's idea of working with Florida's commoners in their workplace.

In what Scott is calling "Let's Get to Work" days, he started his first job today at a doughnut joint in Tampa, selling rings of fried dough to help out our state's near-27 percent obesity rate.

Scott is taking suggestions for future jobs he should test out -- which you can email to [email protected] -- and we've got a few ideas for him:

  • Florida Democratic Party Communications Director
This isn't much of a stretch for the governor, since he mostly plays the role of public-relations man for the Florida Democratic Party already. Consider his rejection of the high-speed rail, his infamous weekend disappearance, and his perennially low approval ratings. The governor just has to put what's on his mind on a blue website with a donkey on it and he's good to go.

  • Retiree
All Scott has to do is hand in his letter of resignation from governor to spend time as a retiree. Considering he's already gone on three vacations since he's been in office -- a fishing trip to Montana, the Koch brothers retreat, and the "trade mission" to Canada -- he ought to just embrace the retiree lifestyle and maybe take up golfing.

  • Snake Oil Salesman
Every so often, the governor likes to engage in passing off facts as fiction, and given his shady tenure in the hospital industry, selling off quack medical treatments doesn't sound like too much of a stretch. Scott doesn't lie all of the time, but when he does, he prefers to make things up -- like saying the stimulus didn't create any jobs, Bill McCollum loves Planned Parenthood, and he helped lower national inflation in the health-care industry. Then there's this list of lies too, giving him credibility in the snake-oil market.

  • Lead Singer of Midnight Oil
There's nothing more to this other than the fact that the governor and Peter Garrett, lead singer of Australian rock band Midnight Oil, look extremely similar. The band's been inactive for nearly ten years, so maybe the governor can get it started up again. Scott's just four months older than Garrett, and they're both politicians. Conspiracy.

  • New Times Staff Writer
If the governor can lay off of spreading B.S. for a day, he can come join us -- even though he thinks what we do is "inappropriate." We could teach the governor how to find the facts that he tends to run short on, and since we seem to spend more time with the governor's brother than he does, we think he could learn a few things.

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Matthew Hendley
Contact: Matthew Hendley