Politics

Rick Scott's Ads Are Getting Weird

Over the years, we have come to expect weirdness from Rick Scott, just as we expect an egg from a chicken. And, just like the chicken, Scott always delivers, pulling things out of his ass that make us scratch our heads.

But even we are a little confused by some of Scott's most recent ads. It seems the governor has lost sight of what exactly makes a good ad.

It has to take place on a farm, preferably with a gun. The candidate must be wearing clothes that show the voter he's an Everyman -- a nice pair of worn jeans and some sort of man-of-the-people coat will do the trick. And it has to hint at the inevitability of civil war.

Show us how it's done, Matt.

Oh, that's nice. There's a barn in the background, it's threatening, and it makes absolutely no sense at all. It's a political turkey.

And it makes Rick Scott's ads look all the sadder by comparison.

Take this one, for example, where the governor speaks Spanish. Spanish! Are you kidding me? The only thing less American than Spanish is French.

And not only is the governor speaking Spanish; he's speaking terrible Spanish. So terrible, in fact, that it literally made our translator quit. So we don't exactly know what he's saying, but we think we got it pretty close.

Make sure to turn the captions on to hear what Señor Scott has to say.

At least he is confronting some questions that need answers. But we have no good excuse for this next ad, in which it appears the governor has taken a small child hostage.

Does Rick Scott really think a baby is going to win this election for him? If babies could win elections, Chelsea Clinton's fetus would have a corner office in the Senate by now.

And can he at least give that poor boy a chocolate chip cookie? What kind of monster dishes out oatmeal cookies?

The same monster who holds his grandson on his lap and forces him to read the newspaper.

It's clear Rick Scott needs to step up his ad game or else the only thing he'll be in charge of is the cookie jar.



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Ryan Pfeffer is Miami New Times’ music editor. After earning a BS in editing, writing, and media from Florida State University, Ryan joined the New Times staff in November 2013 as a web editor, where he coined the phrase "pee-tweet" (to retweet someone while urinating). Born and raised in Fort Lauderdale, he’s now neck-deep in bass and booty in the 305.
Contact: Ryan Pfeffer