Broward News

Rush Limbaugh Says "Leftists" Using Newtown to Promote Anti-Gun Agenda

Didn't take conservative blowfish blowhard Rush Limbaugh long to jump into the Newtown fray and open his mouth hole to say things about how the media, the Left, Democrats, and all other Pee-On-the-American-Flag-and-Use-the-Constitution-to-Wipe-Their-Dicks Freedom-Hating Groups to come out and try to take away guns because someone with easy access to guns walked into an elementary school and systematically massacred little children.

Limbaugh went on his radio show on Monday and spewed out his hot eruditeness all over his listeners' faces with this gem:

"But you see, there's a political agenda here. And when this event happened, I knew that two things were happening immediately. Aside from everything that we were being told about it being wrong, the media, Democrats and leftists were doing everything they could to find a way to blame this on their political opponents. Not just talk radio. Not just Fox News. But on Republicans, conservatives, or conservative values."

Conservative values, like being able to purchase assault rifles and handguns at your local Walmart along with your buy-one-get-one-free deodorant and Fiber One cereal.

Conservative values, like the right to be able to get your hands on a gun that should be used only by Navy SEALS and Israeli Desert Commandos and just freely walk into a movie theater or a mall or a temple or a school or a restaurant or a park and start treating people like paper targets at the youth fair.


Limbaugh, of course, then used the familiar caveat that says he's not so much into guns as much as he's but a humble champion for the Constitution. A REAL AMERICAN HERO, THIS GUY.

"Folks, let me tell you what this point is. The guns in this culture are the secondary target here. The primary target is the Constitution itself. That is what is under assault. That is what is in the cross-hairs of people who are using this tragedy to advance an agenda."

Those damned Leftists and their Second Amendment-hating Nazi ways! They are callously using the tragedy of Newtown to push an agenda that would make it harder for bad people to get their hands on guns and kill other people, sometimes even kids. This! Is! An! Outrage!

The Founding Fathers put the Second Amendment into the Constitution, and by golly, now we just gotta do what it say!

Because a person being able to easily get their hands on high-powered rifles like, say, a Bushmaster semi-automatic rifle that uses .233 bullets for maximum damage and -- specifically -- the AR-15 Bushmaster, which can be easily modified to dodge restrictions (especially in strict gun law states like, hmmm, let's see... Connecticut?), is exactly what the Founding Fathers had in mind when they said it was everyone's right to own a musket to protect their livestock from invading Brits.

But, nah, you're totally right, Rush. 

This is all just an agenda. 

And your maze of circular logic is too much for us to handle! 

We'll just stop calling for action on people being able to get their hands on a modified M-16 and just pick up this debate after the next massacre at a college campus or supermarket or NFL game or church service or preschool.

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Chris Joseph
Contact: Chris Joseph