Listen up, America! Rush Limbaugh is here to finally solve this race rift that we all pretended didn't exist when we elected a black president that a very large portion of the country literally believes was actually born in Africa and is really a secret terrorist.
Things were going so well until the whole Zimmerman/Trayvon thing went down, and now the race war is back on!
But Rush is here to say to the whites that the best thing to do is knock off all this "white guilt" stuff and to clear up a few untruths that the learned book readers have been teaching us about slavery.
Namely, that no one has done more to end slavery than white people.
Boom. THE RACE PROBLEM IS SOLVED.
On his radio show, Limbaugh bloviated about how if there's any race of people anywhere -- particularly in America -- that should not have any guilty feelings about slavery, it's the same people who just a couple of hundred years ago bought and owned black people like cattle.
A little history lesson for you: If any race of people should not have guilt about slavery, it's Caucasians. The white race has probably had fewer slaves and for a briefer period of time than any other in the history of the world.
No other race has fought a war for the purpose of ending slavery. Which we did.
Yet white guilt is still one of the dominating factors in American politics.
Limbaugh also pointed out that Native Americans owned slaves from other tribes and that the Jews were a whole nation of slaves.
So there you go, internet! You've been totally pwnd with a racial history lesson from the guy who once said the only reason the media talks so much about talented black quarterbacks is because they really want a black quarterback to do well in the NFL -- because a talented black quarterback is preposterous.
First off, yeah, OK, sure, white people owned black people. But it was only for a little while!
Also, at least white slave owners weren't as bad as Native American slave owners. Native Americans didn't even own black slaves -- they owned Native American slaves!
It's a good thing white people were around to drive Native Americans out of their own lands and abolish their way of life, what with all that Native American-on-Native American slavery!
Awww yeah. History!
Whites actually did good things against slavery. Like, fighting a war to end it, for instance!
Sure, it was a war fought against other white people who wanted to keep slavery legal in this country, but that's just a footnote to the larger point.
And the point is that white people fought war and should stop feeling guilty already and that blacks should be thankful.