Broward News

Scientific Breakthrough May Mean Immortality for Disgraced Broward Pols

The New York Times is reporting that the human body's ability to cannibalize its own cells is a major factor in maintaining human health. In short:

Increasing our body's ability to self-destruct may, paradoxically, let us live longer.
And no local bodies self-destructed as spectacularly as Ken Jenne, Beverly Gallagher, Joe Eggelletion, Fitzroy Salesman... I could go on.

The article tells of "lysosomes" -- the enzymes that supply a body nutrients and maintain cell production in the absence of food.
This strategy for survival, known as autophagy ("eating oneself"), evolved in our ancestors over two billion years ago.
But our Broward County officials are more highly evolved, relying not on food but on bribes and kickbacks. And for those few instances in which they were caught in the act, scientists can safely assume that local officials have accumulated enough in food -- that is, bribes and kickbacks -- to maintain basic life functions. In this case, retaining attorney David Bogenschutz, or some similar legal luminary, for their defense.

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Thomas Francis