Do you think censorship is an issue anymore?
Not really. When you think of it, the adult industry has won.... There is so much money in the porn business that even morons and retards can make money. There is a line of videos now where the women get spit on and slapped. It offends me. I wouldn't make it illegal, because I'm a libertarian. But I have First Amendment rights to say it is vile and disgusting, and I frankly hope under the new attorney general these assholes are marched off to jail. I'll testify against them.
How are you different from the porn producers who degrade women in their films?
Because I don't do that. For me it is fucking, eating pussy, getting your dick sucked, gay, straight; sex is fun. There are feminists who claim I exploit women, but my argument -- and I have had 33 years of practice -- is that I glorify women. Spitting on women is, to me, unpleasant. Aesthetically it upsets me. I have several girlfriends, including a Japanese dominatrix in New York who gets paid by guys to humiliate and debase them, use them as toilets. It's not my sexual activity, but since it's consensual, it's OK.
Do you consider yourself a misogynist?
No. I don't hate women. I love them. And by the way, try that word with a lot of people in my business; they won't know what the fuck you're talking about. No, I need women. I need women's approval.... I'm always looking for girlfriends. I like dating. My sex drive has dropped to a large degree, but I like women. They're important to me. Anyway, you asked how am I different. I think what I do at Screw is really a MAD comics for sex. We make fun of sex. Every guy I meet wants to be a porno actor, every married guy has this fantasy of seeing two women eating each other. Well, men are pathetic. Are you married? [I nod yes.] You are a walking cock. I am, too. I am a little older, so my cock is a little shriveled. I ask my diet doctor, "How come my cock has shrunk and my feet have gotten bigger?" and he says that's what happens. But vive la différence. Women are looking for context; men are visually stimulated. Screw is a genre of entertainment.
Why do you want to run for sheriff?
The guy, [incumbent Ken] Jenne, actually sent his deputies into a swingers' club. In this city there's enough danger on the street. Do you think I am going to bust someone for smoking a joint? If you do no harm, I'm going to leave you alone. I really believe I can win. I am a great debater. My campaign slogan will be "citizen sheriff." I will put my resources into making the street safe.
OK, if hookers are walking on the street, get them off the street, you know? But let's quit harassing people for eccentricities of their individuality. Once every couple months, people will look at my [12-foot-tall finger on the Intracoastal] and say that's obscene. I say this is obscene. [He flips the bird to no one in particular.] Fuck you. Don't look at my finger. I'm not into imposing my values on other people, but let me live my life.
How much are you willing to spend?
A million dollars. It will buy a lot of ads. I'm not going to anyone for money, because I don't want to owe anyone a favor. Financing is nonsense. I will get a lot of free publicity, I will take ads, and I will challenge Jenne to debate me. He's a retard. This is one way of rehabilitating Florida for the debacle of this whole voting thing. I am going to bring respectability to this community after the humiliation of this election by being sheriff. And I am serious about this. I will win.