Sports

Secret to a Great Retirement: Football Fraud

John Madden, an old man who spends half the year tooling around America in an enormous, obnoxious, pimped-out house on wheels, stopping only to watch the week's best football game while muttering semi-coherently, is retiring from that job, according to news reports.

Asked for their reaction, everyone among a generation of similarly aged men who spend half the year tooling around American in an enormous, obnoxious, pimped-out house on wheels, stopping only to watch the week's best football game while muttering semi-coherently, drafted an invoice and mailed it to NBC sports, along with a short note:

"Boom!" Now give me my millions.

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Thomas Francis