Broward County has been the home to many a star and celebrity. But did you also know that many of those stars and celebrities are now dead?
So how about we have ourselves a seance right here on The Pulp and conjure up the spirits of the seven best ghosts that haunt Broward County?
/lights a candle //grabs your hand ///starts chanting ////farts
7. Nick Navarro Died: September 28, 2011
The ghost of former Broward County Sheriff Nick Navarro will haunt you every time you listen to any 2 Live Crew album. His idea of terrifying you is making you watch a Cops marathon. In the middle of the night, the ghost of Nick Navarro is known to sing "Bad Boys" until your ears bleed.
6. Joe Robbie Died: January 7, 1990
The ultimate Ring Wraith, the spirit of former Miami Dolphins owner Joe Robbie leaves a cursed lineage of doom in his wake. For any man who takes ownership of his beloved Dolphins and ends up with a chronic case of shitting all over the fan base. This curse struck Wayne Huiezenga, who was blinded enough to allow Dave Wannstedt to coach the team. The horror! And now the curse has passed on to Stephen Ross, who defiles the fan base by refusing to fire the worst general manager in all of football, even though the wormtongue Jeff Ireland has had the job since 2008, and continually leads the team to 7-9 seasons. The stadium that once bore his name is now a living house of horrors.
5. Al Capone Died: January 25, 1947
It's well-known that Capone spent a lot of time in Hollywood -- particularly the Hollywood Beach Resort (which is, itself, haunted). While he murdered rival gangsters and turned Chicago into a war zone when he was alive, the ghost of Al Capone is actually more fun than haunting. Who wouldn't want to hang with a ghost that can get you free booze and hook you up with big-busted broads. Yes, he's got a bit of a dickish temper, and he's quick to hit you with a baseball bat if he doesn't like you, and there's the matter of all the syphilis. But still. Hanging with the ghost of the real Scarface is a real peach!
4. Dave Thomas Died: January 8, 2002
Perhaps the most polite ghost of the bunch, Dave Thomas is nonetheless dead and from Fort Lauderdale, so he makes the list. The ghost of Dave Thomas will badger you into buying square-shaped burgers and swear that they're healthier than other fast-food burgers when, in reality, they're beef-grease sponge patties. Terrifying!
3. Lee Majors Dead: ?
We're not sure he's actually dead. We'll say mostly alive. The ghost of Lee Majors will glare at you with an arched eyebrow and sing the theme song to The Fall Guy over and over. He'll also haunt your dinner parties and then bore your guests to death as he regales them with stories of his marriage to Farrah Fawcett. He does this mostly to brag that he banged Farrah Fawcett. Most terrifying of all, the ghost of Lee Majors will come at you in super-slow motion as he hums the sounds effects from the Six Million Dollar Man. Nah-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah....
2. Napoleon Broward Died: October, 1910
Broward is the most ghostly-looking of all the ghosts on this list. Plus the county is named after him. So for those reasons, he makes the list. Napoleon will haunt you with his beady-eyed gaze and his thick quality mustache. He's also known to haunt the Everglades, where he continues to try to drain the water so he can build stuff on it. Broward left a legacy of crapping all over Florida's wilderness and nature, and now that spirit has carried over to Rick Scott, who doesn't give a shit about the environment and the continual spreading of invasive species into the area. Scariest of all, though: You just got a HISTORY LESSON!
1. Anna Nicole Smith Died: February 8, 2007
The ghost of Anna Nicole Smith still haunts the hallways of the Hard Rock, probably. Instead of the usual ghostly haunted boos, her spirit will just make lazy whiney noises until you notice her. She's known to haunt old rich tycoons until they die, and then takes their money. She will also eat all your food when you're sleeping. Also when you're not sleeping. Also when you're literally eating. Anna Nicole's ghost is a hot fat mess, and more of a nuisance than an actual scary entity. The best way to exorcise her is just to ignore her. If... you... caaaan...
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