Should Florida Judges Be Allowed to Facebook Lawyers?

So like we were totally in traffic court the other day and who comes up as the presiding robe on my docket but ugh omg Judge Sanders -- right, the same creep-o who was jamming up my Facebook page with friend requests last spring break. I know, totally f-king awkward, right?

Hellz no I never accepted -- he's was getting all John Mark Karr, "liking" up on all my spring break photos and updates about my base tan status. Ew.

Anyway, now I'm really bugging this is all going to f my clients, past present and future. Remember that guy Pierre Domville, the defendant from Sunrise?

He was up on battery charges, but it turned out his trial judge -- Andrew Siegel -- and the state's attorney working the case -- Nicole Alvarez -- were Facebook buddies. The defense filed a motion to toss Siegel from the case, which he denied, but the Florida Supreme Court ruled in Domville's favor in September (not that this was the first case that conflict of interest could have played a part -- big-league cray).

Now the olds in the Supreme Court are chewing over whether members of the bench should be allowed to F-book with court staff in the first place. One of the presiding dudes spelled it out all like this:

"Judges do not have the unfettered social freedom of teenagers," Gross
wrote. "Central to the public's confidence in the courts is the belief
that fair decisions are rendered by an impartial tribunal. Maintenance
of the appearance of impartiality requires the avoidance of
entanglements and relationships that compromise that appearance."

To which, fellow members of the court, I would argue: Blahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblah. Do you know how big league this is going to f up my friend count? Not to mention, this goes through, it's Alderaan time for the courthouse social scene.

How can we members of the court in good standing eyeball the clerk's office staff if we can't creep their photo albums? How can I get in a judge's ear afterhours if I don't have his number to text and he never checks his Twitter? How will anyone know what anyone else looks like in a slutty Halloween costume? Or who mixes up "there" with "their" at 3 a.m. If I see my trial judge posted a photo of some Pho Ga last night, how else am I supposed to make small talk if I can't say the next morning: "So that Pho Ga looked damn good, yo." How? Why? Why?  

Doesn't the Supreme Court get it? 

And you know those judges will be up to no good on Instagram. SMH.

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Kyle Swenson
Contact: Kyle Swenson