Six Reasons Not to Quit on the Miami Marlins Just Yet

So Marlins aren't off to such a hot start. And that sucks, because expectations were large — especially after an offseason that featured giving Giancarlo Stanton the fattest contract in pro sports history and because the Fish actually went out and got good players.

The Marlins are off to an abysmal start, getting swept at home by the lowly Braves, then losing a series to the even lowlier Rays.

Fans are ornery. They demand a winner. Even though there are roughly 7,934 games left to the season — give or take.

Still, it's tough to tune in night in, night out and watch a team that is this atrocious. But we're here to go all Kevin Bacon on your asses and tell you to remain calm. Because all is well.

And here are six legitimate reasons to not quit on the Marlins just yet:

6. Because They Know How to Celebrate After a Win

While getting into the win column has been tough to come by this year, at least the Marlins know how to do that after they get that W. After Christian Yelich hit a walk-off single against the Rays last Saturday, he received the requisite mobbing at home plate. But things got really crazy during the postgame interview. And while postgame-interview celebrations are normally a shaving-cream pie to the face, Yelich's teammate Dee Gordon took things up a notch and DUNKED in Christian's face like Dwyane Wade flushing one down against the Knicks.

Expect more good-time antics like this whenever the Marlins bring home the victory. And you don't want to not share in the shenanigans.

5. Because of Carter Capps' Goofy Delivery
Injuries have been a major issue so far in this very young season for the Fish. But injuries to players always mean calling guys up. And that means not only young guys getting a chance to impress the ball club and the fans; it also means guys like Carter Capps bringing their weird-ass delivery to the majors. When Capps was called in for relief duty against the Braves on Monday night, he did well. He took down all three batters he faced, including one by means of strike out. But forget that. What really got people buzzing was Capps' weird hop-first delivery.
Look at that thing. He's a relief pitcher and an illusionist! Capps' delivery is so bizarre, an umpire almost deemed it illegal. But, nope. MLB says it's within the rules. And because Capps did well, expect to see more of him in a setup role OF WIZARDRY.

4. Because Dee Gordon Is Ridiculous
The Marlins went after former Dodger Dee Gordon this offseason because they wanted him to be their setup guy. Mainly because he not only knows how to but the bat on the ball but because his speed is a nightmare for opposing defenses. In a season that has seen a lot of disappointment in the batting department, Gordon has shown flashes of what is to come.

On Sunday against the Rays, Gordon went 3-for-5 with a double, a triple, and one RBI, nearly hitting for the cycle. It was the second three-hot performance of the season for Flash, who has been contributing runs scored, and RBIs. He's also up to his base-stealing ways with three bags banked in his first six games. As the middle of the Marlins lineup gets into a groove, Gordon will be there to set things up for them. 

3. Because the Starting Pitchers Will Get Healthy
The Marlins have been snake-bitten when it comes to injuries. But nothing too devastating. Henderson Alvarez was placed on the 15-day DL with shoulder inflammation, which is a bummer. And ace Jose Fernandez is still on the DL as he recovers from Tommy John surgery. That too is a bummer. But both guys are expected to return in May or June, which may seem like a ways away. But with baseball, it's really not. And you have to figure Matt Latos will find his groove. Meaning, come June, the Marlins will have a badass frontline of starting pitchers that can really do some damage. *Fingers crossed*

2. Because.... THIS GUY
Yeah, he's off to a slow start. Yeah, he's getting paid bank. No, this will not remain as it is. And no, the contract isn't the reason for the early slump. Giancarlo is a stud, and he's healthy. Meaning, it's only a matter of time before he starts launching dongs into Orion's belt. Just be patient. HE. IS. COMING.

1. Because..... THIS THING
Yeah, it's ugly and tacky and stupid. But it's ours. And it's the most beautiful thing on the planet every time it goes off. It's like a gaudy, decadent middle finger to any and all opposing pitchers, teams, fans, and America.
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Chris Joseph
Contact: Chris Joseph