Stephen Ross' State of the Dolphins Address Revealed A Whole Lot of Nothing

Miami Dolphins owner Stephen Ross met with local media on Monday to discuss the state of the franchise. And it was filled with clichés, talking points, and the nonsensical ramblings of a hobgoblin.

In other words, it was exactly what you'd expect from a team that has gone 7-9, 7-9, 6-10 and 7-9 the last four years and hasn't made the playoffs since 2008.

Ross also reiterated his support for general manager Jeff Ireland, and confirmed that the team will have a new logo by April.

Ross dropped some gems, to be sure. Among them, his philosophy on free agency:

"If the right players are there, I don't care what it costs," Ross said. "I'm going to go after them."

Shortly after that, he said, "Free agency certainly isn't the answer. We've all seen that."

I will go after the right players, and I don't care at what cost! Except that I won't because free agency isn't the answer!

Ross wanted to make it clear that he goes into every season wanting to be in the playoffs, as opposed to wanting to not do that thing.

"I enter every year with the idea I want to be in the playoffs. If you don't have that mindset you shouldn't be in the sport," Ross said.

Take note, future NFL owners. If you don't go in thinking that you want your team to be in the playoffs, then you need to re-think your whole reason for throwing away billions on purchasing a football team.

And, despite the Dolphins failing to finish at or above.500 for the past four seasons under his watch with Ireland running things, as teams that make the playoffs traditionally do, Ross insists he feels things are headed in the right direction. 

"I feel we're on the right track," he said. "We're moving in the right direction. I feel so more about it today."

As opposed to, say, last Tuesday, when I didn't feel it so much.

He then unveiled more footballtalk:

"Its important to have a plan," he said. "Follow that plan and remain consistent. When you no longer have confidence in the plan you change it."

Have a plan. Then do the plan. When the plan doesn't work, don't do it anymore. That's free advice, Brosephs!

When asked what that plan was, Ross' response was, "Win."

Ah. A most excellent plan, indeed. No one else in the NFL will have this plan. INGENIOUS.

Then he talked about Jeff Ireland.

"It's for us, and Jeff to deliver the personnel that will make us a winning franchise," Ross said.

"[Jeff's] young, has desire. He's smart and committed. He has a plan. His football intelligence, his knowledge and hard work. He has respect of his peers. He was one of youngest GMs around."

Sure his drafts have been mostly shit, and he's thrown millions of dollars of my money at an offensive line that was just a mound of ass, but he's young. And super smart. And other GMs think he's really neat. Also, he has a plan. Just like I do. WIN!

The presser ended with Ross discussing how the Dolphins will be unveiling their new logo before the draft in March.

But if the press conference was any indication, the new logo will be a picture of every NFL mascot taking turns punching a dolphin in the dick.

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Chris Joseph
Contact: Chris Joseph