Arlene Mena was yelling at no one in particular while meandering about on the street outside her A1A condo building along the 1800 block of S. Ocean Drive, in a tank top, cutoff jeans, and knee-high boots, about 10:45 a.m. Wednesday.
One witness says she looked like she was trying to direct traffic. When a motorist tried to get her off the road, she allegedly picked up a traffic cone and flung it at the car, breaking its side mirror. And then she reportedly spat in the man's face.
She was eventually restrained by the motorist and another man, when she began to give them her reasons why she was doing what she was doing:
1. It was performance art.
2. It was for a reality TV show.
3. She is a federal agent.
4. She is friends with the mayor.
5. She is a stripper and all this was prep work.
All perfectly good and legitimate reasons for wandering into the street half-naked, breaking other people's stuff, and spitting on them.
Mena, 25, appeared before Broward Judge John "Jay" Hurley during bond court on Thursday and explained that she had just been hired as a stripper and that the incident was just a big misunderstanding.
"With all due respect," she told the judge. "I was just trying to do some artwork and the guy misunderstood. I was walking in my boots, and I hurt my leg."
"Ma'am, I am getting a visual that I don't think is appropriate right now," the judge inexplicably replied.
He then added, "I suggest not wearing boots and doing artwork in the middle of a roadway. I would start right there and everything will start looking up for you."
During the scuffle with the two witnesses, Mena began to explain that the incident was part of a television show and that it was being caught on camera. She then claimed to be friends with Hallandale Beach Mayor Joy Cooper, but not before telling the men she was actually a federal agent.
The two witnesses who subdued her said that Mena appeared... wait for it...
Judge Hurley ordered a $1,000 bond for Mena, on charges of battery and criminal mischief.