Stupid Headline Tricks

Headline from a Clark Spencer story in the Miami Herald: "Marlins can't seem to find their place." Thought they found their place during the first week of the season: last. And this from a crime brief in the Palm Beach Post: "Quarrel leaves homeless man in critical condition." A quarrel...

By Bob Norman

May 23, 2006

[
        {
          "name": "GPT - Billboard - Slot Inline - Content - Labeled - No Desktop",
          "component": "16971022",
          "insertPoint": "2",
          "requiredCountToDisplay": "2"
        },{
          "name": "Editor Picks",
          "component": "15769925",
          "insertPoint": "4",
          "requiredCountToDisplay": "1"
        },{
          "name": "Inline Links",
          "component": "16575154",
          "insertPoint": "8th",
          "startingPoint": 8,
          "requiredCountToDisplay": "7",
          "maxInsertions": 25
        },{
          "name": "GPT - Rectangle 2x - Slot Auto-select - Labeled",
          "component": "15782206",
          "insertPoint": "8th",
          "startingPoint": 8,
          "requiredCountToDisplay": "7",
          "maxInsertions": 25
        },{
          "name": "Inline Links",
          "component": "16575154",
          "insertPoint": "8th",
          "startingPoint": 12,
          "requiredCountToDisplay": "11",
          "maxInsertions": 25
        },{
          "name": "GPT - Leaderboard to Tower - Slot Auto-select - Labeled",
          "component": "15782207",
          "insertPoint": "8th",
          "startingPoint": 12,
          "requiredCountToDisplay": "11",
          "maxInsertions": 25
        }
      ]

Headline from a Clark Spencer story in the Miami Herald: "Marlins can't seem to find their place." Thought they found their place during the first week of the season: last.

And this from a crime brief in the Palm Beach Post: "Quarrel leaves homeless man in critical condition." A quarrel never hurt anybody. The dude was basically bashed in the head and left for dead in an alley. That's no quarrel. That's a g-d attack.

The lead headline this morning on the Herald web site: "DNA lets man walk." Well, duh.

From the Palm Beach Post web site: "See Jewel and Rob Thomas at Mizner Park." Okay, but first please let me stick a rusty ice pick in my eye. Then I'd like to jam the ends of broken bottles into the soles of my feet. What fun.

KEEP NEW TIMES FREE... Since we started New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of South Florida, and we'd like to keep it that way. Your membership allows us to continue offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food, and culture with no paywalls. You can support us by joining as a member for as little as $1.

Journalist Bob Norman has been raking the muck of South Florida for the past 25 years. His work has led to criminal cases against corrupt politicians, the ouster of bad judges from the bench, and has garnered dozens of state, regional, and national awards.

Contact: Bob Norman