What Does This Man Have Against The Sentinel?

Sun-Sentinel Shut Out, Again

For the first time since last year, the Sun-Sentinel was kept from the Pulitzer Prize winners' circle. It had to be a tough pill to swallow, since the newspaper had three finalists (a strong showing any way you look at it). I thought the best shot for a win were the FEMA stories, up for investigative reporting. It just seemed like the right time, since the agency had come under such national scrutiny for its dismal performance after Katrina. But it turns out that the Washington Post coverage of the Jack Abramoff scandal held more sway with the judges than little ol' FEMA. The Pulitzers often have a high luck quotient, after all. And that may make the Sentinel one of the most unlucky newspapers in history, having never won one.

Full disclosure: The New Times has never won either. The Miami Herald, though, has won 18. But its lone finalist this year -- the Debbie Cenziper story on the flaws in the national hurricane tracking system -- was also beaten out by the stinking Washington Post, which won four. Yes, the rich just keep getting richer.

Buy Two Shoes, Own Power of No. 3

The astute Forrest Norman, of the Miami New Times, points out to the Pulp that a mathematical impossibility lies at the heart of the much-hyped Converse advertising campaign featuring Heat star Dwyane Wade. The commercial's tag line: "Fall down seven times. Get up eight." Well, if you fall down seven times, you can only get back up seven times. I looked it up and found that the ad is based on a Japanese proverb. Apparently, it's supposed to be inspirational or something, even if it makes no sense. (My favorite Japanese proverb on that list: "If you believe everything you read, better not read").

Send Porn To Oklahoma Okay, child killer, would-be cannibal, and long-time fast-food worker Kevin Underwood's blog is still up and running and now has 165,000 visitors and counting. Here's another randomly picked selection from his writings on the mundane nature of his terrible life in Purcell, OK:

Oklahoma sucks. No, I mean it. Oklahoma really is horrible. I live in a small town of something like 4000-5000 people. And what's really bad about that is that we are one of the bigger towns in the area ...

When my parents were kids there was, for a short time, a dance hall for the teenagers. The Baptists quickly shut it down, and now it's like a senior citizen center, where the old people go to have a good time, and dance ...

On top of all that, since there is such a religious influence, this is what's known as a "dry county." That means the beer is like three point instead of six, (or whatever it is, I don't drink beer) and all the liquor stores have to close at 9 pm. Basically it's really hard to get alcohol."

Tattoos parlors are illegal in Oklahoma. To legally get a tattoo you have to drive to Texas, and a lot of people do ... You also can't get decent pornography in Oklahoma, you have to drive to Texas for that too. You can get the magazines here, but the movies are all "cable version." Basically an R-rated porno. Like what they show on Cinemax late at night. To get real porn you have to drive to Texas. So, like the tattoo parlors, there are several Adult Video shops on I-35 right after you enter Texas. One of them is right on the border, it's like 100 feet from the Red River, the border between Oklahoma and Texas. I'll admit, I've driven all the way to Texas solely to buy porn. I'm not the only one though, I know several guys that have done the same thing. It's a six hour drive there and back. Long way to go for porn.


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