I don't know if you guys have heard about this thing called the swine flu, but apparently it's pretty serious business. So serious, that serious businesses around South Florida are getting serious (and delirious) about enacting plans to prevent their employees from coming down with the dreaded virus. Unfortunately, saying that some of these strategies aren't exactly watertight is like saying the Titanic hit a big piece of ice. To wit: An employee at a Boca Raton-based insurance firm sent New Times this email about what his coworkers are doing to combat the spread of swine flu:
"So, the dumb a$$es at my office are all panicking about swine flu. They posted instructions on "How to Wash Your Hands" at the bathroom and kitchen sinks. I feel like I am in Pre-School. Some co-workers have even requested that we ban all pork products being eaten in our office. As in "OMG, I'm going to get the flu from my ham sandwich!" ARGHH....They probably still think homosexuals cause AIDS."
OK, so I can concede that some folks may need a bit of a re-education when it comes to washing their hands after using the restroom. And, of course, you can not forget that killer ham sandwiches have struck before, and they will strike again. Oh, wait. That's not true? Shit. Well, next thing you're going to tell me is I owe that gay guy in our office an apology. And I'm not shaking his hands until he washes them.