Take That, Hugo

Adam Hasner is one courageous politician. When the Republican state rep from Delray Beach heard Venezuelan dictator Hugo Chavez call George W. Bush names at the U.N., he just had to do something to support America, the president, and his brother. So he bravely penned a letter asking the state to cancel its contract with Citgo, Venezuela's state-owned oil company, to supply gas on the Florida Turnpike. And just to make sure Jeb saw it, he cc'd a copy to the guv.

"We must send a clear message to Chavez, and the current government of Venezuela, that the state of Florida and our citizens will not support institutions that seek the destabilization of America and our institutions and freedoms," Hasner wrote.

Finally, somebody goes after the damnable Citgo, which has been undermining our country by selling gas at slightly cheaper prices for years. Way to go, Adam, and don't let anybody tell you that you're a shameless grandstander or a lip service king. You're an American hero. Only a hero would have the guts to promote overturning a legal contract in America because some Banana Republic yahoo exercised his rights to free speech here in the United States. Freedom of speech is for us Americans, not them, after all. And while you're fighting for us, make sure they give the new contract to Exxon or Mobil, good clean American companies that love freedom (to cash in big on the American public and drill for oil in Middle Eastern countries that despise us for just that reason).

After the jump: Illiterate political operatives and one very painful penis.

-- This hilarious story by Maura Possley in the Sun-Sentinel sums up level of local political discourse in Broward County. Whoever did this went to great lengths to vandalize billboards with one word: Liar. But they couldn't even get that right, spelling it "lier." But then again, just looking at all the letters in the name of the candidate who was slimed, Steve Breitkreuz, can cause a bout with dyslexia. The guy had a good retort: "I was thinking they thought I was laying down too much."

-- I like Joan Fleischman a lot. Her column in the Miami Herald is snappy and she has a great nose for stories with a twist. Today she's got one about a poor South Beach bartender whose penis was damaged during treatment for three genital warts. A jury awarded Patrick Timothy O'Neill $1.5 million for his troubles. But if O'Neill and his lawyers are telling the truth about his pain and suffering, it's not enough. We're talking "hardened scars," painful bending and, God no, "an atrophic-like condition that caused a decrease in size." He claimed he has to take painkillers before and after sex. And then there's the fact that he had to admit he was treated for an embarrassing condition. Hell, the jury should have at least given the guy a million per wart.

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