TechSqueeze: The Techie Zodiac -- What's Your Fortune? | The Daily Pulp | South Florida | Broward Palm Beach New Times | The Leading Independent News Source in Broward-Palm Beach, Florida

Broward News

TechSqueeze: The Techie Zodiac -- What's Your Fortune?

Recently, I've been thinking about the people I know and the tech experts I've talked to over the years. My thoughts drifted toward how different many of these people have been, despite all being in the same basic field with similar careers.  

I also realized that although these differences are varied, each individual's focus might be on IT, giving them common ground regardless of those differences. Thinking about this, I was looking at a Zodiac chart when it occurred to me that techies' personalities are similar to that Zodiac chart. So I built a new one, with a computer at the center and a surrounding circle of personality types centered on it.

Standing above the computer at the center of the Tech Zodiac is Geekus. You are most likely male, and you are not only the social epitome of Erkel and Rick Moranus (doesn't matter what movie) but you are clueless of the fact.  Your life revolves around IT, and you likely speak fluent Klingon and Binary.

Unlike Geekus, you are a real personality. You socialize constantly and have multiple accounts on Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, and other social media sites. You fraternize continually with others at various events and measure your success by the size of your social network and followers. You are also most likely to check your iPhone for daily application updates with excitement.

Unlike the other tech types, you are not just a Geekus or a Suavicorn. No, you are Geekus Maximus. The largest difference between yourself and Geekus is your overuse of stimulants and your continued experimentation with sleep deprivation. You are rarely seen without a Mountain Dew or coffee.

You are in nearly every way exactly like Geekus except for one important factor. Inepticus, you have no ability with technology. You've mastered nothing but HTML, and even that has been deprecated. Despite your technological ineptitude, you still have the social skills of a leper. You find updates to your iPhone applications to be a nuisance. 

You, Suavicorn, are unlike any of the other members of the Tech Zodiac. You can not only talk Geekus into doing your projects for you but you can convince Socionomicus to introduce you to her hot friends at the latest Meetup. Your Javascript is like reading poetry and causes both men and women to swoon.

Unlike all of the other members of the Tech Zodiac you, Goldio, are not really a techie. You have few skills in anything IT-related, but you are the money behind the machine, the payroll, the provider of the latest gadgets. You are the business that makes it happen. Java coding? Nope. Spreadsheets and client schmoozing?  Oh yeah.

I know there's only six, but that's my Tech Zodiac. Where do you fit in?  Are you a solid Excitico? Maybe you're on the cusp between Suavicorn and Goldio? Tell me in the comments and I'll tell you where I fit! 

KEEP NEW TIMES BROWARD-PALM BEACH FREE... Since we started New Times Broward-Palm Beach, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of South Florida, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
Craig Agranoff

Latest Stories