You'll need to formulate a plan. The way to survive spring break 2016, and even flourish during it, is to systematically attack the beast in such a calculated fashion that you're never in any real danger of failing. Think of spring break as a hurricane — only your body is the land, and alcohol and bad decisions are the rain and wind.
You need supplies that will keep you from succumbing to the elements and items that will ensure you maximize your body's capacity for spring break absorption. Here are a few things that will make you a safe, upright, entertained, lucid, party-rocking machine:
Let's get the obvious stuff out of the way here — you're going to need protection... from the sun. The last thing you need is to burst out of the spring break gates like American Pharoah, only to spend the rest of your days holed up in a dark hotel room moaning, covered head-to-toe in aloe vera. Just as Dwyane Wade needs to take care of his body so he can make it through an entire NBA season, you need to take care of your epidermis so it can last an entire week on the beach. Those two things are exactly the same, pretty much.
9. Shot glasses
This is actually a safety precaution; I'll explain. Pouring liquor willy-nilly into the bottom of a red Solo cup, or heaven-forbid chugging directly from the bottle of
8. Silly, yet purposeful, hats
Pick anything that will keep out the sun and allow you to stand out from the pack. A sombrero is ideal because when you inevitably lose your drunk friends, you'll be easily identified in a crowd. Fifteen guys might be wearing sombreros, but that makes you one of 15 instead of one of 5,000. Captain's hats, catcher's masks, funnel contraptions — all of these will do.
7. Hipster sunglasses
Essential to any spring break kit is a pair of the most ridiculous neon-colored, party-rocking sunglasses you can find. Somewhere along the line, $2 bright Ray-Ban knockoffs became a thing, so you'd better make sure you have a pair. The best thing about these kinds of sunglasses is that you're going to lose them, but you're not going to care one bit. Because you have seven backups.
6. Tacky spring
To go with those hipster sunglasses, you're going to need the tackiest spring-break-themed shirt you can find. The more touristy the better. Nothing says "spring break' like one of those FBI: Female Body Inspector T-shirts. Bad apparel is like the Christmas tree of spring break.