Ten Reasons South Florida Is the Best Place to Spend Christmas | New Times Broward-Palm Beach


Ten Reasons South Florida Is the Best Place to Spend Christmas

Every year around this time, we here in South Florida are reminded that we are, well, here. While the rest of the country is battling the elements, we're checking our weather apps in hopes that Mother Nature will dip the temperature down into the 60s every once in a while so we can finally break out our favorite hoodie. For South Floridians, winter problems are only something we see on TV or read about on Facebook — down here, we're all good.

There are so many reasons we're thankful to live here during the holiday season. Here are just a few of those reasons.

1. We can go to the beach on Christmas Day.

Let's just get this out of the way real fast: There is South Florida weather in December, and there is misery; there is very little gray area here. Checking the weather for the rest of this week, forecasters expect a low of 69 — nice! Sorry we're not sorry about bringing this up every chance we get. This Christmas, we might just open our presents and then head out to the beach just because we can. Hell, we might even get in the water just because it isn't frozen.

2. Relatives come and visit us during the holidays.

Traveling during the holidays is a nightmare, but it's a nuisance we luckily experience less often than our out-of-town loved ones because Florida. The only time we travel to a place like New York or Chicago is when we want to have a little holiday adventure. Traveling to a cold-weather state in December is like camping or watching someone else's kids; it's fun for a few hours, but we're quickly over it. It's much less of a hassle to jog down I-95 and scoop up Grandma and Grandpa at the airport.

3. Our Christmas parties can be pretty much wherever we want them to be.

Throughout December, you're probably getting invited to a bunch of holiday parties you really don't want to go to. What makes it worse in other states is those parties consist of four walls packed with a bunch of heavily clothed people. In South Florida, we can throw a rager on the beach, rent a boat and get twisted on egg nog on the water, or throw a damn Christmas pool party if we want — the possibilities are endless. Get on our Christmas party level, Northerners.

4. Our Christmas trees > Your Christmas trees

Is there a song about a Christmas palm tree? Because there should be a song about a Christmas palm tree. We take it for granted, but the fact that there are Christmas lights covering palm trees all over South Florida right now is somehow hilarious and insulting all at the same time. Putting Christmas lights in palm trees is our huge middle finger to all those states where people need to deal with snow while wrapping lights to their oak trees.

5. Our electric bills go down, not up.

Oh, you use more electricity in the winter? We can't relate. Every South Floridian knows winter is practically a life hack because we suddenly get free A/C. Heat? We haven't turned on the heater since the terrible winter of 2009 when it dropped down in the 50s. It's amazing we survived. Less money sent away to FPL means more money spent on egg nog; it's basic math.

6. Winterfest

It's December, and we're so blessed that we can attend a boat parade sponsored by Hard Rock Casino every year. This year, Winterfest took place this past Saturday night in Downtown Fort Lauderdale, and it was gaudy as hell. The theme was “Comics & Cartoons Rockin’ the Night Away” — seriously. We're out here throwing up thousands of Christmas lights on boats to the tune of cartoon themes. What are they doing in Nebraska, holding holiday corn-decoration contests?

7. We don't shovel snow; we cut grass.

It's quite possible you're reading this and have no idea what a big deal this is. Not shoveling snow is the best. Today you probably just pulled out of your driveway and didn't think twice about it. If you lived in Indiana today, you would have had to scrape the ice off your windshield after you made sure someone cleared a path for you to leave the house. Can't comprehend this? Imagine sand falling from the sky, forcing you to figure out how to get your car out from under it on a daily basis. Sound sucky? This is a thing people deal with all the time! Weird, right?

8. All your friends are home from college.

As stated earlier, many times people in other states will take the Christmas show on the road to escape the elements, but everyone is happy to reunite in Florida. For college students who grew up in South Florida, this is especially cool because everyone has a few weeks to catch up. If you're a student from Buffalo, there is just a better chance there are a few missing asses on those bar stools come Christmas.

9. "Merry Christmas" just sounds better in South Florida.

Feliz Navidad y prospero año nuevo! See? Maybe it sounds a little better when Pitbull says it.

10. We have more old people than almost anyone.

South Florida is the retirement capital of America, which obviously means there is a crap-ton of old people living where you call home. Why does that make Christmas better, you're undoubtedly asking yourself right now? Because older people are generally more into the holidays and are all-around jollier than those dang young people. An old Boca Raton lady will straight-up buy a ten-year-old a present in the mall just because she loves kids — that's the Christmas spirit. We have the most old people, so it's practically scientifically proven that South Florida is the best place to spend Christmas.

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Ryan Yousefi is a freelance writer for Miami New Times, a lover of sports, and an expert consumer of craft beer and pho. Hanley Ramirez once stole a baseball from him and to this day still owes him $10.
Contact: Ryan Yousefi

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