Broward News

Ten Reasons Why Fort Lauderdale Is the Best Place to Spend the Christmas Holidays

Christmas is a time of year associated with snow and wintry weather and sweaters and galoshes — whatever the hell those are. It's also associated with people traveling across the country to be with friends and family and gathering around a fireplace to drink eggnog. But down here in Fort Lauderdale, we do Christmas differently.

Sure, it doesn't snow, and there are no chestnuts roasting on an open fire. But that's ok!  Freezing your balls off and wearing long johns to bed and eating roasted chestnuts is what Christmas is all about? That's ludicrous! Who the hell eats a roasted chestnut anyway? That sounds disgusting.

So we're here to let the world know that Fort Lauderdale is the best place to spend Christmas. Because we do it right. How right? Start counting!

10. The Winterfest Boat Parade
Nothing says Fort Lauderdale like blocking traffic and having a boat parade down the Intracoastal Waterway. And the annual Winterfest Boat Parade is the perfect way for Fort Lauderdalians to tell the world this is how we celebrate Christmas: on the water and with lights strapped to our boats. And booze. And music. And more booze.

9. Our Santas Know How to Santa Better
In Fort Lauderdale, we can't just have a normal Christmas party with Santa. We have to get RIPPED with Santa. And not just one Santa. Many Santas. So we meet up with all our sexy friends in downtown Fort Lauderdale for a little shindig called Santa Con, where people show up in droves dressed like Jolly Ol' Saint Nick and then proceed to get sloshed. Ah, Fort Lauderdale: any excuse to drink and partake in frivolities.

8. Water Taxis
People all over the country are furiously hailing cabs and being driven around town in log-jammed holiday traffic. Anxiety is high, stress levels are out of control, and delays are inevitable. Meanwhile, in Fort Lauderdale, people are chilling hard on water taxis. 

7. Beer Festivals
Doesn't matter which one. Any one. Throw a dart on the December calendar, boom, there's a beer festival happening that day. Oh, and it's outdoors. Because it's not minus-18 outside and you can wear shorts and a T-shirt and, most important, DRINK BEER.

KEEP NEW TIMES BROWARD-PALM BEACH FREE... Since we started New Times Broward-Palm Beach, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of South Florida, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
Chris Joseph
Contact: Chris Joseph