Christmas is a time of year associated with snow and wintry weather and sweaters and galoshes — whatever the hell those are. It's also associated with people traveling across the country to be with friends and family and gathering around a fireplace to drink eggnog. But down here in Fort Lauderdale, we do Christmas differently.
Sure, it doesn't snow, and there are no chestnuts roasting on an open fire. But that's ok! Freezing your balls off and wearing long johns to bed and eating roasted chestnuts is what Christmas is all about? That's ludicrous! Who the hell eats a roasted chestnut anyway? That sounds disgusting.
So we're here to let the world know that Fort Lauderdale is the best place to spend Christmas. Because we do it right. How right? Start counting!
10. The Winterfest Boat Parade
Nothing says Fort Lauderdale like blocking traffic and having a boat parade down the Intracoastal Waterway. And the annual Winterfest Boat Parade is the perfect way for Fort Lauderdalians to tell the world this is how we celebrate Christmas: on the water and with lights strapped to our boats. And booze. And music. And more booze.
9. Our Santas Know How to Santa Better
In Fort Lauderdale, we can't just have a normal Christmas party with Santa. We have to get RIPPED with Santa. And not just one Santa. Many Santas. So we meet up with all our sexy friends in downtown Fort Lauderdale for a little shindig called Santa Con, where people show up in droves dressed like Jolly Ol' Saint Nick and then proceed to get sloshed. Ah, Fort Lauderdale: any excuse to drink and partake in frivolities.
8. Water Taxis
People all over the country are furiously hailing cabs and being driven around town in log-jammed holiday traffic. Anxiety is high, stress levels are out of control, and delays are inevitable. Meanwhile, in Fort Lauderdale, people are chilling hard on water taxis.
7. Beer Festivals
Doesn't matter which one. Any one. Throw a dart on the December calendar, boom, there's a beer festival happening that day. Oh, and it's outdoors. Because it's not minus-18 outside and you can wear shorts and a T-shirt and, most important, DRINK BEER.
6. Betting at Gulfstream
Tired of all that holiday shopping? Gulfstream is a stone's throw away and a better place to throw away your money (because you can actually win it back). Oh, and horse racing. Horse racing is awesome. Especially when you see those mighty steeds thunder down the dirt track to an exhilarating finish. Know where you can't watch horse racing during this time of year? Literally everywhere else. Because horses don't run in the snow.
5. Random Beautiful People Walking Around Shirtless
4. Wearing Winter Clothes Is a Special Occasion
It gets wintry down here maybe twice during the entire month of December every year. A cold front swoops down from the north, and temps dip into the 50s. That lasts, like, a day. But on that day, we dive head-first into our closets and dust off those winter clothes we've been DYING to show off. We just don't put on winter clothes in Fort Lauderdale. We make it an event (because cold weather is rare, you see).
3. Food Trucks at Young Circle
The rest of the country is shoveling snow and wrapping chains around tires and throwing on seven layers of clothing just to go pick up some Chinese food for dinner. In Fort Lauderdale, we throw on some shorts and flip-flops and then bask in the 70-degree awesomeness of walking around Young Circle and enjoying the food-truck goodness.
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2. Every Day is Lovely Weather for a Sleigh Ride Together
Now that you have that song in your head... enjoy the sunny weather... in your drop top.
1. The Beach. Duh.
Because sunbathing and frolicking in warm tropical waters with a beer in one hand and a frisbee in the other is hard to do in the snow.