Thanksgiving In Florida: 11 Reasons We're Thankful for Our State

Happy Thanksgiving, everybody!

And with the big day upon us, it's time to reflect on things we're thankful for.

Namely: our home state.

America loves picking on Florida. And maybe they have good reason. Our crime rate isn't all that great, our politicians are morons, and then there's that whole George Zimmerman thing.

But screw that. Florida gets a bad rap. And for what? There's bad everywhere. The major difference between us and them is that they're freezing their balls off, while we wake up to sunshine and warmth EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

So, you know what? Screw the rest of America and their hatin' ways.

Here are 11 reasons we're thankful to be living in the Sunshine State:


Look at that map, America. LOOK AT IT. LOOK AT IT.

All The Cultures

Florida is a one giant delicious stew of cultural goodness. We have Haitian communities, Jamaican communities, Jewish communities, Asian communities, and a plethora of Hispanic communities from Cuba to Puerto Rico to Costa Rica and all points in between.

On top of all that, while the state is still behind in allowing gays to marry, we have a growing, thriving LGBT community.

In other words, Florida is America.

The Beaches

It's pretty simple. While the rest of the country is shoveling snow and dealing with slushy, icy roads and having to dress in 17 layers of clothes and jackets, we have sand and ocean and breezes and warmth. We live where everyone else vacations, and we can pretty much go there whenever we damned well please.

The State Parks

Seriously, our state parks are the balls.

There's something for the adventurer in us all.

Bask in the sun of Bahia Honda in the Keys with the old Flagler Highway as your backdrop, take an airboat ride through the Everglades, hit up the bike trails of the General James A. Van Fleet State trail, kayak through the mangroves of Oleta, or take a day-trip hike through The Nature Coast State Trail.

And in any and all parks, there's always the very real possibility of coming face to face with gators, bears, panthers, sharks or snakes.

So be sure to bring your camera.

Disney World

Have you been to Disney Land in California? It's like a sandwich from a gas station compared to Disney World's full course meal at Prime 112.

Our Batshit Criminals and Politicians

Yes, we have the world's wackiest criminals, face-eating zombies, and arguably the most corrupt politicians this side of Chicago.

It's like Gotham City come to life, except in a tropical setting!


The Wildlife Bears crashing kids birthday parties!

Alligators showing up at people's houses!





The Sports

Florida boasts the most hosted Super Bowls, the biggest NASCAR race of the year in Daytona, and crowns the NASCAR Sprint Cup champion every year in Homestead.

We have the only perfect NFL team in the '72 Dolphins, the Miami Hurricanes national championship teams, the Florida Gator national championship teams, and the Florida State Seminoles are looking like they're going to win it all this year.

Not to mention the Marlins and their two World Series titles.

Oh, and that little basketball team called the Miami Heat.

No State Income Tax!

Straight cash, homies.

All The Sexy Fast cars, fast women, hot beaches, warm nights, and gorgeous sunrises.

Florida is sexy as hell. Sure, it has its share of problems, and it's easy to pick on.

But that's only because haters gonna hate.

The Snowbirds are going to get here and start bitching from the get-go.

And yet, they're here. Why?

Because they know our state fucking rocks.


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Chris Joseph
Contact: Chris Joseph