Valentine's Day means different things to different people — probably depending on what gender you are. If you're a woman, you're probably thinking boxes of chocolates, flowers, pink balloons, heartfelt cards, and thoughtful, well-planned surprises. If you're a guy, you're thinking about how to make all those same things happen as quickly and painlessly as possible, so you can hopefully get to the reward phase of this transaction.
What?? I'm talking about loving on each other! And scoring a sweet makeout session at a romantic spot! What did you think I was talking about? Get your mind out of the gutter.
Luckily, the scenery in South Florida provides ample lip-locking hotspots, so it's easy to find a place that sets the face-mushing mood. If makeout locations were wifi, these are the places around Broward that are sporting the best connection.
13. Atop the 17th Street Causeway Bridge in Fort Lauderdale
For some reason, the view from a place where you could easily fall to your death is romantic. I'm not sure why. You know what's even less safe? Closing your eyes and having someone else put their tongue inside your mouth in said dangerous place as passing trucks make the ground beneath your feet all rumbly. I'm not sure why it works, but it works. There's just something about doing things you shouldn't be doing... and getting to first base on the side of a bridge is one of those things.
12. On a bench next to the fountain at The Walk in Coral Springs
I challenge you to find something more romantic than kissing face on a bench placed classically between a Jamba Juice and a Yogurtland. You can't. What? OK, that's better, but I didn't mention that there is a lighted fountain right there! Checkmate.
11. On the Deerfield Beach Pier
Walk all the way down to the end of the pier, hoist your loved one up on the ledge, and re-enact the "I'm Flying" scene from Titanic. Then go have sex in your car like they did. Just kidding — don't do that. Spending Valentine's Day in jail would suck.
10. At a Fetish Factory party
The skintight rubber outfits and ball gags on display here (where there's a strict dress code) make Fetish Factory parties look quite wild, but there is no nudity, no sex, and no swinging allowed. The titillation will be going strong, but you'll just have to funnel all that sexual frustration into an epic makout sesh.
Stranahan House is Fort Lauderdale's oldest building and most historical site, so if culture is your thing, this is the place to take a date. Tours are available most days, and the waterfront locale provides plenty of places to sit down and enjoy each other's company. Don't kiss all over the house itself, though — that's creepy. It also might be haunted, so you don't want to piss off any ghosts.
If you're the band Europe, you count down — it's what you do. If you're at a drive-in movie theatre, you make out.
7. On a Sunset Cruise
Sunset cruises can go two ways: You can either get completely blackout drunk and forget everything, or you can treat it like a romantic getaway and take in the sights and sounds. You can't have both. Well, I suppose you can, but you wouldn't remember it.
6. In the middle of Himmarshee Street
WHO HASN'T DONE IT? Find a willing partner with 3-for-1s at Capone's.
5. Atop the Observation Deck in Holland Park in Hollywood
Climb up the steps with your loved one and meet at the top to enjoy the beautiful (and normally annoyingly windy) atmosphere. Keep it PG, because people can see you from Le Tub, and runners love this spot as well, so you don't want to offend anyone. Or turn anyone on... That's how some genres of adult films start, you know.
4. At the Ramrod
Yes, this is a gay bar. And it gets intense in here, with special events like "caged hunks," the "Wednesday butt contest" and "pig dances."
3. In the hot tub at Bahia Cabana
Developers want to spend millions making the surrounding resort all fancy-like, which could change the character of this casual waterside hangout. So get some suck-face while he gettin's good. Don't get too handsy under the bubbles!
2. Any lifeguard tower
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Cliche, we know (and Miami Beach's lifeguard towers are way cuter than the utilitarian ones on most beaches in the 954). But it doesn't get any more magical than a balmy evening with ships passing in the distance, constellations shining above, lights from airplanes twinkling as they come in for a landing, and a sea turtle laying eggs right next to you. Extra fun if you're making out with a lifeguard!
1. On the Las Olas Gondola
You haven't lived until you have made out in a canoe being driven by a guy dressed as Waldo — those are the rules. How many chances will you and your loved one have to experience the "Venice of America"? This opportunity only presents itself once, maybe four times a week, tops. Take advantage of this situation and kiss, dammit.