7. The Philosophical Bro He might be wearing a pastel-colored bro tank, salmon shorts, and boat shoes in his photos, but he has a photo with the Grand Canyon and a profound caption. According to his self-summary, he loves long walks on the beach and gazing at the night sky. You'd think he was going through an existential crisis by looking at his "I spend a lot of time thinking about" section, but then you realize he misquoted Socrates and spelled Nietzsche wrong. No one has time for that.
6. The Photo-Less Cupid He will try to overcompensate for his lack of photos with seemingly cool interests and endearing profile-specific messages. His face is in none of his photos (back-of-head and zoomed-in-eyeball guy, I'm talking to you!) or he doesn't have a photo at all. You wonder if he's in the CIA or just ugly. He'll try to woo you with his words but this is the 21st century after all, and you'll stop replying once you realize this is a Lifetime movie in the making. He'll make an obscure reference about that time he saw Frank Sinatra live and he'll admit that he's old enough to get a shout out on a Smucker's jar. He has grandchildren your age.