The Swimsuit Competition: Tampa Bay Loses


Quit flaunting your chin, harlot. You're in Greater Tampa.

Let's not get too demoralized over the

national media ridiculing our corruption

, which is rampant, pervasive, ubiquitous and all-encompassing. It could be worse. We could be in Pinellas County, where county officials are scrambling to

cover the naughty bits

of beachgoers, lest the region's tourists be scandalized.

The article quotes a park supervisor who objects to the way some sunbathers employ hosery:

There are men, he said, who will sport an athletic sock that's held up with fishing line. The look reveals the pubic area and buttocks, but the sock covers the genitals.

Are we positive that this guy wasn't supervising a Red Hot Chili Peppers show? Ken Kushman, of the Tampa Area Naturists, who's 62 (Why did you just wince?), is fighting the legislation. And it is bizarrely fetishistic.

Specifically, the new rules would ban exposure of that area of the buttocks where the cheeks slope inward, the cleft region. And Kushman said he's concerned that men and women without model bodies will be unfairly targeted.

Meanwhile, the danger in South Florida is that in an effort to boost tourism women with model bodies will be required to wear suits exposing the same area of the buttocks.


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