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The Top Five Miami Dolphins Storylines from This Offseason

The Dolphins are probably going to try to fill some holes in the defensive line or the linebacking corps in tonight's NFL draft. In anticipation, coaches, executives, draftologists, and fans with nothing better to do will pore over notes and highlight reels from players all over the country, but it's hard to believe that anything that could happen over the next three days of drafting would be more exciting than the roller coaster ride the Dolphins have already had this offseason.

Between big-time acquisitions, big trouble(s) with the law, and bitter betrayal, the last four months have had more drama than the final season of LOST. So we put together a list of the top five plotlines:

1) Saying Goodbye to Joey Porter...Twice.
He bragged about carrying a gun, even after being shot in the ass. His dogs killed a horse. And it seems like no player in history was blocked into as many sacks as Joey Porter. Then on February 12, the Dolphins released Porter. Then later in the afternoon on February 12, the Dolphins announced they were un-releasing Porter, because of salary cap issues.

Then on March 5, they released the never-boring linebacker again. A few weeks later, not long after signing with the Arizona Cardinals, Porter was arrested for drunk driving and assaulting a police officer. Meanwhile, the Dolphins signed a beast of a free agent linebacker to replace him in Karlos Dansby.

2) Trading For Brandon Marshall
He gets disgruntled and punts away footballs at practice. He yells at coaches and has quit on a team. He's been arrested for domestic violence and drunk driving, and was a witness to a friend and teammate's murder. And he catches just about anything thrown in his direction. Do you know how many 1,000-yard receivers the Dolphins had in the 14 years prior to Brandon Marshall's arrival? One. Chris Chambers in 2005 (he had 1,118 yards). Marshall has more touchdowns and more 100-yard games than the 15 receivers combined who have played for the Dolphins in the last three years. He's great on the field, you just might not want him living next door.

3) Chad Hanging On
As he spoke softly into a microphone at a press conference announcing the early end of his season last year, you probably thought Chad Pennington's career was done. But the only two-time winner of the NFL's comeback player of the year award hasn't had enough. Chad Henne will begin the season as the starter, but he'll have a solid guide in Pennington behind him. The real drama here comes from the awkward game of musical chairs Pennington's return might kick off. Most teams carry three quarterbacks on the roster. If both Chads make the squad, that could spell bad times for Pat White, on whom the Dolphins spent an expensive draft pick just last year, or Tyler Thigpen, the man the Dolphins traded for last year when Pennington first went down.

4) Ronnie Brown's Arrest

Yes, Will Allen got a DUI when he drove his Ferrari up to a barricade on South Beach and asked some cops to move it. And Tony McDaniel was arrested for domestic violence early on a Saturday morning in Davie, after arguing over some unanswered phone calls. But Ronnie Brown is the poster boy. He's the early-round fantasy pick. He's been the face of the franchise for the last half decade, often carrying the entire offense on his back. He's the reason the entire league now practices the Wildcat. In March, Brown was in Atlanta for his parents' wedding anniversary when he was arrested for driving under the influence.

5) Jason Taylor Dancing with the Jetz
Celebrity dancer, part owner of smoothie distributor JuiceBlendz (you can see the menuz and locationz here), and occasional Dolphins defensive end, Jason Taylor, has, for years, ripped Miami's rivals and their fans. But after a disputed contract dispute, one of the greatest Dolphins of all time has defected to the smarmy enemy. He says he never got an offer in Miami. The Dolphins say he did. And as if Rex Ryan hadn't picked up enough fire power already, New York just signed Taylor to a two year contract. We don't hold a grudge though. We hope he has a nice time dancing up and down Broadway. And if he happens to make it into a game against the Dolphins, we hope Jake Long knocks him on his dancing azz.

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Michael J. Mooney

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