Broward News

The War on Christmas -- and Christ -- Wages On



Are there no nativity scenes to vandalize in Greater Broward? Perhaps not. Well, Oakland Park is getting into the Christmas spirit by tearing down a Christ statue along Powerline Road. Don't. Tell. Bill O'Reilly. Or he will fucking lose it! Also, don't tell him that there's a big gay community in Oakland Park, since the conventional wisdom on his show is that "There is a gay and secular fascism in this country that wants to impose its will on the rest of us." By toppling statues of The Christchild.

Apparently, the city is ordering the statue removed based on complaints that it obstructs the intersection. Ha! Silly secularists! Jesus Christ will watch for cars so that you don't have to. It's the safest intersection in town, provided you have taken Jesus Christ as your personal lord and savior, of course.

If not, you'll have a firy death which will seem cool compared to the flames of Hell.

The church, All Saints Catholic Mission, suspects that the real reason the city's hasslin' them is because of its soup kitchen, which brings flocks of poors. This is totally the beginning of a Christmas TV special, isn't it?

Be warned: To enjoy Channel 10's video, you will need to suffer through a 15-second advertisement that may compel you to blow what little money you have left on Florida Lottery tickets.

-- Thomas Francis

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Thomas Francis