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Thirty Things You Should Never Say to Your Boss at the Company Party

'Tis the season for those fantastic nondenominational holiday office parties. It's a magical time of year (several weeks before Christmas) when you take a few hours to stop thinking about your family and the friends you care about deeply and focus on celebrating the season with the people you see all day, every weekday of the year.

If you're lucky, you spend an evening draining the top shelf of an open bar at a swanky place you'd never otherwise see the inside of. If you're not so lucky, you'll be wearing a cardboard hat, sipping nonalcoholic punch from a tiny Dixie cup, standing around the reception desk hoping the smelly guy from the other side of the office doesn't come over and ask you to sit on the Xerox machine.

In honor of this special time -- when we are all so vulnerable to speaking our minds -- we've assembled a list of things you'd never want accidentally slipping out of your mouth. Of course, this isn't much of a problem at New Times, where all of our bosses are always awesome, especially the ones who may read this.

So here are 30 things you should never say to your boss at the company holiday party:

1) If you think I'm wasted now, you should see me after a long lunch in the parking lot!

2) We should have a No-Pants Day.

3) So I think you should know, I accidentally killed your cat when I broke into your house. Awkward, I know.

4) My wife says I shouldn't tell you this, but...

5) My therapist says I shouldn't tell you this, but...

6) My lawyer says I shouldn't tell you this, but...

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Michael J. Mooney

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