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Tim Hardaway: Hey, I'm Gay Too!

Tim Hardaway, who said "I hate gay people" on Dan Le Batard's radio show yesterday, has since not only issued an apology but a just-issued confession in the form of a press release that has been obtained by the Pulp:

"I need to say that my statements yesterday, which have caused such a furor in the media, were prompted by deep-seated tension rooted in a secret I have been carrying for many, many years. To put it bluntly, I love penises (or penii, as I like to say). Big ones, little ones, fat ones, skinny ones, you know, a veritable potpourri of penii.

"Having been in locker rooms filled with men all my life, I've had to painfully suppress the sheer joy I feel when I'm in a roomful of

dancing dongs. This has prompted me to internalize my emotions and smother them. A combustible brand of bitterness has ensued, which led directly to yesterday's hateful, unforgivable statements on the radio.

"But I am happy to announce that I have decided to embrace my true feelings and accept that I am a gay man. To prove this, I have character witnesses, now available to the media, who will testify that my favorite TV show is "Dancing With The Stars," that privately I am known to wear skintight t-shirts tucked into belted and pressed blue jeans, and that I love anything and everything produced by Alan Ball. If you have any further questions, please contact my new publicist, Tim Gunn."

I have to admit that, after reading the release, I'm a bit skeptical. For one, it doesn't really sound like Tim Hardaway's voice. More like it was written by some fancy press agent. I mean, c'mon, "a veritable potpourri of penii"? That's obviously a professional line that could only be summoned by a true master of the English language. For another, the whole thing seems like a desperate attempt by his handlers to save face -- because it's obvious that coming out as gay is about the only way Hardaway, after yesterday, will ever enjoy any public sympathy or respect.


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