Come out, come out wherever you are, Charlie. It's National Coming Out Day, and a mere three weeks before Election Day. Rumors have been swirling for years, but only you have the power to spin them into reality. Here's why you should seize the moment:
1. You'd win even more Democratic converts. Kendrick Meek is trailing in the polls and can't even count on party stalwarts such as Palm Beach County Commissioner Burt Aaronson to support him in his Senate race against you.
2. You've already flip-flopped to support gay adoption. Flaunting your newly liberal, independent credentials, you praised a recent appeals court ruling overturning Florida's ban on gay adoption. The old GOP Charlie would never dream of such a thing.
3. It's better than pulling the race card. No one can accuse you of siphoning votes from Meek because Florida rednecks can't stomach a black Senator. If you're gay, you're a member of a minority group too!
4. Last time you wanted to win a major political battle (to be John McCain's running mate), you got married. Now, wouldn't coming out be far more fun and fashionable?
5. It doesn't matter if it's true. Charlie, you're the only one who knows what happens between your sheets. Fake tan and alleged lovers aside, you may not be gay after all. But Florida voters don't care. They're so accustomed to you switching sides halfway through a race, they'll swallow whatever rainbow-colored platitude you feed them. Do what's politically expedient, Charlie. It's what you do best.