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Top Ten Giancarlo Stanton Home Runs of All Time; Cheer Up, Heat Fans!

Last night against the Cubs, Miami Marlins right fielder Giancarlo Stanton hit his 19th home run (best in the National League), a low line drive that soared just over the right-field fence. It looked different from most of his 136 career bombs in a Marlins uniform, though.

Less sexy.

It was Stanton's shortest shot of the season at just 366 feet -- only his third homer this year under 400 feet. So far in 2014, there have been 26 home runs hit 450 feet or longer. Stanton -- Crusher of Monster Dongs and ladies' hearts everywhere -- has accounted for nearly 20 percent of the entire sport's mammoth long balls this season, hitting five over 450 feet, more than any other player.

Hell, in May alone, Stanton ripped eight home runs, the shortest one going 412 feet, with the average home run distance this year coming in around 396 feet. Point is, dude has sex with the baseball, and after four years of appreciating the best basketball player on the planet -- pleasepleaseplease come back for more, LeBroncito -- it's time to shift our attention as sports fans and really appreciate something else great in South Florida.

Sit back, Heat fans. Keep your heads up. And watch these ten Monster Dongs. You'll smile. We promise.

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Ryan Cortes