Broward News

[Video] Man Throws Slim Jims at Gas Station Attendant + Five Other Items That Would Hurt More


Floridians can be angry, emphasis on the angry part. Courtesy of the OrlandoSentinel the video above shows what happens if a gas station attendent argues with the customer: Slim Jims go flying.

Reportedly the box of dense sticks of faux-meat hit the man's six-year-old son in the head. Seminole County Deputy Sheriff's said that the kid wasn't hurt. Good, we were worried.

We're wondering though why the Slim Jim flinger chose such a harmless object to toss in disgust. Check after the jump for five more items that would've done more damage.

5. A hotdog
Hotdogs are also sticks of meat but unlike Slim Jims they are thicker, more greasy, and slightly stale from the three days of rotating on the heater. The stale quality only means it'll pack more of a punch.

4. A pack of gum
This item needs advanced planning. What would really suck is if the culprit had the foresight to chew on the wad of gum during the fight. Trust us, no amount of peanut butter would be enough to get that out of your hair.

3. A newspaper
Hey, the kid could get papercuts. 

2. A Slurpee
The smell of a Slim Jim is similar to an elderly pig's rear end but can you imagine unwittingly bathing in a Slurpee? It would take longer to rinse off the stickiness than it will for the sheriff's office to find the offender (and that's a long time!)

1. A can of Four Loko
When the U.S. Government doesn't want us to have something what do we do? We get our grubby hands on it and turn it into a weapon.

KEEP NEW TIMES BROWARD-PALM BEACH FREE... Since we started New Times Broward-Palm Beach, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of South Florida, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
Devin Desjarlais