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As the rap and South Florida panorama emerges from the Rick Ro$$ drama, the Miami native has got some heavy soul-searching to do. One minute, he was making it sprinkle at LIV nightclub puffing jeezies with Luda and Diddy for his 37th birthday, and then: Pow!
As MTV eloquently wrote in its coverage of the mayhem: “Things became all too real.” Someone shot up his Rolls Royce, and the Bawse crashed it.
Many things about the scenario remain uncertain. For instance, what kind of gun was used to shoot up the car? Was the Bawse intoxicated when he crashed? Who was the shooter? Has art become life? Yada, yada, so on and so forth.
See Also:
– Who Shot at Rick Ross?
– Rick Ross Targeted by Drive-By Shooters in Fort Lauderdale, According to Witnesses
– Rick Ross’ Passenger: Shateria L. Moragne-el
But for Ross, one element of this story shouldn’t be uncertain: His next move. There are precisely five things he’ll most likely do.
1. Make Another Rap Album
It’s entirely possible that the drive-by may provide the creative fodder that Rick Ross needs to get back into the studio and lay down some ill tracks. Most likely, his deep and expository rhyming will detail blunts, glocks, and murder.
Possible Album titles? LIV and die. Or, Shut the F**k Up 50, I Really Was Shot At. Or maybe, Don’t Biggie Me. Please. I have Children.
2. Widen The Entourage; Hire More Fungibles
If there’s one thing Rick Ross doesn’t have enough of, it’s hanger-ons. He needs to broaden his payroll and get more security detail. But they must be people he can trust. So the Bawse will likely tap several untalented but needy childhood pals who have accomplished nothing in life thus far except for randomly knowing Rick Ross.
Likely, his new possy members will have names like Que and Turtle, and they will be paid large sums of money to help the rap star accomplish his next recourse of action.
3. Smoke Weed
Nothing relaxes one’s getting-shot-at nerves like a giant blunt. And if there’s anything Ross will turn to, it’s large quantities of marijuana. Haters gonna hate. Let ’em.
Be chill, Ross will think. Roll one. And then tweet about it.
4. Impromptu Tweeting
He hasn’t tweeted about the shooting yet. But he will. The Bawse will return to social media and deliver all detractors their comeuppance in intermittent bursts of 140-character manifestos.
The last time he tweeted, he was profound as usual.
Before that, he hit his 2 million+ with this:
5. Help Out Barack Obama?
Okay, so this one isn’t going to happen. But wouldn’t it be great if it did?
The president needs all the help he can get in banning assault rifles. Will Rick Ross rise to the call? If anyone can attest to the tragedy of America’s gun addiction, it’s now Ross. Dude was shot at!
But such a move would change Ross’s career drastically. Somehow, rhyming about AKs and slugs has a certain sonorous appeal to it, whereas dropping tracks about passing Senate Bill 280 does not.
Unless of course Joe Biden was hired into the entourage.
Follow the writer @terrence_mccoy
