| Crime |

Why Delray Beach Doesn't Need 637 Parking Meters

Delray Beach is considering putting 637 parking meters in its downtown area because the city is running low on cash.

A study conducted for the city says it would cost $1.95 million to install the new meters but "could" raise $2.1 million per year.

Aside from business owners already complaining about the city propping up parking meters in front of their shops, we have a few more reasons they don't need parking meters:

  • Who carries around ten quarters at a time?

Unless you have your credit card, the only way you would be able to pay for the parking is having a pound of quarters in your pocket, with the current rate of parking meters down Ocean Boulevard costing $1.25 an hour. All you have is cash? That sucks; there's no way to stuff that into a parking meter to increase the timer.

  • Gambling with residents' money.

Sure, Delray Beach thinks it can start making money after just one year of having the meters there. That's a little optimistic. If you're really strapped for cash, a $2 million investment that gives returns in quarters may not be the best idea.

  • Another job opportunity for Barry Shore.

More parking meters would mean the city needs more parking maids. And why not hire Barry Shore again? For those of you who have forgotten, Shore is the guy who quit his post as a volunteer parking enforcement officer after ticketing a woman and telling her to "take that and shove it up your ass. I could give a damn less, you Pennsylvania Schuylkill woodchuck."

Shore later apologized if he had offended any animal lovers by referring to the woman as a woodchuck. Seriously.

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