But maybe a steady diet of Fox News viewership offers hope that all Democrats are vulnerable in 2010, even Wasserman Schultz. Today she gained her most quixotic opponent yet: Bob Kunst, the Miami Beach man who's had so many unsuccessful campaigns he's lost count.
Sadly, Kunst is not one of those funny long-shot candidates, like Basil Marceaux. Video after the jump.
Kunst, who sounds like an ultra-conservative Democrat, out-flanks Wasserman Schultz on the right. And Stanley Blumenthal out-flanks her on the left. That's because Blumenthal has a socialist agenda.
Nope, not the stuff that internet memes are made of.
But there's comedic value in Kunst's list of campaign priorities. The first is to impeach Barack Obama for his role in giving humanitarian aid to impoverished people in the Gaza Strip -- resources that Kunst says go directly to Hamas. The second priority is to stage protests against Obama, Hillary Clinton and Wasserman Schultz for using the race card to defend their policies in the Middle East.
So let me get this straight: You're going to defeat Wasserman Schultz, then protest her policies? Boy, talk about being a sore winner!
I don't mean that in the Fox News "Obama's socialist agenda" hyperbolic sense. I mean that Blumenthal is an actual socialist. He wants to give factories to the government and the whole nine. Considering that Blumenthal was born in 1925, well, let's not entirely rule out the possibility he's Vladimir Lenin reincarnated.
If it seems like this race is missing a transgendered candidate and a rabid tea partier who likes to shoot a gun at targets engraved with Wasserman Schultz's initials, that's because Donna Milo and Robert Lowry, respectively, lost in last month's Republican primary.
(The fact that Milo is transgendered is submitted only for the sake of demonstrating the variety of backgrounds among candidates in this race, in case that's not clear.)
The Republican nominee is Karen Harrington, a restaurant owner from Pembroke Pines.