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Best Place to Meet Single Men

The Treasure Trove

For this one, the female staffers of New Times had to choose between journalistic integrity and our own selfish instincts (i.e., letting other women in on our secrets). Lucky for you, we went with integrity and decided to divulge our man-trap. But note that we did not call this category Best Place to Meet Rich Men or Best Place to Meet Commitment-Minded Men. We just said single. Because of its location on Fort Lauderdale Beach, the Treasure Trove is a treasure-trove of lifeguards, boat captains, kiteboarders, and dive masters -- especially on "Taco Tuesday" (two-for-one tacos!). Because they have just come back from sea (even if it was just for two hours), these guys are looking for a little company of the female persuasion. While a dude named Catfish Hunter plays laid-back tunes on guitar, these gentlemen will regale you with stories about going through the locks of the Panama Canal and show you where the Marquesas Islands are by drawing a map on a napkin. They're likely to sport a tan and muscles and, if you're lucky, a Spanish or South African accent. In some cases, they've come straight from work, smelling like diesel fuel mixed with suntan lotion, a potent brew. Because they have to sail to the Bahamas tomorrow, they might not buy you a diamond, but they will certainly get you a Sierra Nevada or three, and a sleepover (on a boat!) isn't out of the question. No, you won't regret it in the morning, for you will have discovered the lair of a fun-loving, adventurous, chivalrous bunch.

Best Place to Meet Intelligent Women

Sushi Blues Café

We like smart women, so we felt we'd hit some kind of jackpot when we started hitting Sushi Blues Café. What is it that draws the brainy girls to this Hollywood eatery? Maybe it's the delicious sushi. Maybe it's the drink specials. Or could it be the blues itself -- a storytelling kind of music appreciated by the literate among us? Whatever the draw, we've noticed that the ladies at the long curved bar aren't shy about engaging in a refreshing meeting of the minds. And on the weekends, the smart set swells as live music takes the tiny stage. High IQs, reasonable prices, great food and music -- hey, what better setting to meet someone with a beautiful mind?

Best Place to Meet Intelligent Men

Adult art classes at the Fort Lauderdale Museum of Art

If you're looking for a man a cut above your usual monosyllabic tits-and-ass bandit, go where the IQs are higher. Instead of stalking the reading room of the local library, which has nothing but newspapers on sticks to break the ice, enroll in a studio art class at the Fort Lauderdale Museum of Art. You can bet that the men who prefer to spend their evenings improving their brush strokes are going to be more likely to talk Beckett and quantum physics than baseball and beer. They can't hide from you in the intimate setting of the MoA's adult education studio classes, which are kept small so that the local artists who will teach you figure drawing, watercolor, and painting can work with each student. Plus, you'll find that a paintbrush is an excellent replacement for a pint of brew when it comes to giving you mojo -- it's amazing how easy it is to talk to the guy at the next easel if you have a question about shading or need to sharpen your pastel. Sex is already in the air: Nothing is more erotic than squeezing oil paint onto a palette or pondering the best way to render the curve of a nude model's breast. And you have plenty of time to lay the groundwork -- you'll be in the same small room with some of the area's most intelligent men for ten whole weeks.

Best Place to Meet Single Men Who Own Boats

Tiki Waterfront Sea Grill

A girl's gotta have standards. The guy who works on the boat is nice and all... but we know you want the guy who owns the boat. That's why you need to think like fishermen. When they go out to catch fish, they go to the place where the critters feed. When you're out to catch a boater, get yourself some bait (i.e., a bikini) and go to the place where he docks and dines! Specifically, the Tiki Waterfront Sea Grill at the Riviera Beach Marina. It's where many a good gent with healthy wallets can be found enjoying some sort of rum concoction and an order of Bahamian-style conch fritters with spicy remoulade sauce. With Peanut Island in the background, a live band fueling the party, and boats as far as the eye can see, your chances here are good. Real good.

Best Place to Meet Single Men Who Own Yachts

Club Y

We're not calling you a gold digger, but we know you can't mess with someone who can't afford you. Sister, if that's how you roll, that's how you roll -- with your Louis Vuitton bag and your Prada shoes. The man you want knows where you're coming from (the mall), and he's waiting for you -- in Club Y. Why? It's the only proper nightclub on the island, open until 3 a.m. and featuring DJs, high-end liquors, a late-night menu (mmm... sushi at midnight!), and a sexy, young clientele. Don't be intimidated by the Benzes and Jaguars outside. Self-made millionaires and trust-fund boys need love too.

Best Place to Meet Single Men -- Besides a Bar

Best Buy

We weren't even looking for a humongous cooler full of man meat when we stumbled upon it. We had simply meandered into Best Buy, bored and lonely, thinking we'd pick up a movie with some eye candy in the starring role -- like Into the Blue or Shrek 2. That's when the hot guys just started spilling out of the doors and getting in their Jeeps and their Lexuses (Lexii?)! There were more inside, perusing DVDs, toying with computers, and even punching keys on the register. Duh -- we should have known from watching The 40-Year-Old Virgin that the electronics store is ripe (Hello, Paul Rudd!). The thing is, guys don't go to Best Buy to pick up women. They go here after they've finished bitching about how hard it is to meet a cool chick. They say, "Screw 'em, I'mma buy a new flat-screen TV." Hence, ladies, you are seriously in luck if you practice the fine art of the ambush and prepare questions like, "Excuse me, but do you know the difference between optical and digital zoom?" We're telling you -- even the checkout guy was a looker... if only pleated khaki pants and polo shirts weren't the biggest turnoffs known to women. But maybe you could help him lose the clothes.

Best Place for a Second Date

Mai-Kai Restaurant and Lounge

CandaceWest.com
Loud, dark, and pricey -- is there a better formula for all-important date number two? Broward's tiki mecca has all the makings of the place to close the deal you started negotiating in (nervous, crazy-making) date one. The low light helps minimize the sorts of thing she should have noticed the first time -- the thinning hair, the love handles, the look of sheer terror. And the Polynesian floorshow is loud and mesmerizing, which helps if the conversation wanes. Finally, the drinks are pricey enough to impress and potent enough that rules about waiting for date number three might get broken.

Best Place for the Sleepless

Primanti Brothers

It's 4 a.m. and you know the battle against insomnia is a lost cause. What to do? Drowning out the impending daylight with booze will only make things worse, so find an early edition of the morning paper, if you can, and hit the beach. At the corner of A1A and Sunrise is a little 24-hour pizza shop that serves breakfast and all sorts of great gut-busting grub to jump-start your morning. The cramped little counter shop serves some of the greatest late-night munchie solutions. They pile their sandwiches high and top them off with fries and slaw, just like the owner did in Pittsburgh 30 years ago to earn his fame. Take your food to go and cross the street to the beach. Eating lunch as the sun comes up will make some sort of sense in your sleep-deprived brain.

Best Place to Get Drunk in Broward

The Mental Ward

You knew this space better as Alex's Tavern, a canker sore of a bar with air so foul it would send your clothes home smelling like a tire fire. Fortunately, as the recommissioned Mental Ward, much of the old charm remains. But it's better. The Tuesday open-mic night is the kind of low-key, good-naturedly offensive affair that can make the small back bar feel like a dormitory hallway. (Sample lyric from a song called "I'm Gonna Whoop Your Ass": "Stop calling my mama's house in the middle of the night. That ain't cool. I have to pay the phone bill over there.") If you want to get schnockered, five bucks will get you all the tap beer you can drink that night. Wednesdays are beer pong nights. Thursday nights are dollar shots, drafts, and well drinks. How this place makes money, who knows? Who cares? All that matters is it's about a two-minute cab ride from Lester's Diner or Taco Bell, and you still have some dough in your pocket for a gordita.

Best Place to Get Drunk in Palm Beach

CJ's Draft House

Sitting down to get drunk is serious business. You can't do it at home because society will look down on you, so you have to go to town to keep up appearances. CJ's Draft House in mid-Boynton Beach has everything you need. Most weeknights, it's a quiet bar that caters to regulars, but on Tuesday nights, things are entirely different. Lori and Carlos set up for their karaoke bash at 9 p.m., and the regulars start lining up for the mic and for the $10 buckets of domestic beer. The singing is better than most karaoke nights at other places, and the participants take their crooning seriously. (But in a good way, we swear.) Anyway, the singing and cheap beer make for a great setup for what you're really after -- to get bent in a place where it's not just acceptable but par for the course.

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