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Best Happy Hour in Palm Beach

Nippers Bar & Grill

Education is important, so cheers to learning in classrooms, and cheers to learning in bars — near FAU classrooms. And cheers to the never-ending lesson of learning one's self. Mull the following questions over discounted drinks at Nippers any time from 3 to 9 p.m. Monday to Friday. Is "happy hour" a marketing scheme designed to get you drunk? No, wait, put down the drink and listen for a moment. Are you supposed to be getting drunk during these hours? Hey, don't throw that empty glass in this direction. OK, you're heard: The only thing that matters here is being smart and saving money, and Nippers lets you do both.

Best Hollywood Neighborhood Bar

O'Malley's Ocean Pub

It has been said that O'Malley appeared on Hollywood Beach after the hurricane of 1926. Accounts vary as to where he came from: Some say he drifted ashore, some say he arrived by boat from the Bahamas, and some say the real story is much less interesting. One thing is certain — it doesn't matter. O'Malley's Ocean Pub is a place where the worries of everyday life just wash away. It might be the fact that it's located on a busy stretch of Hollywood Beach — outdoors but at the same time covered and protected from the sweltering sun and unpredictable rain. Or it could be the variety of frozen drinks, double-shot mojitos, and low-priced, all-day refills served in carved coconuts. Maybe it's the bevy of televisions tuned to every sport available and the collections of people eagerly watching their fantasy teams on laptops thanks to the free WiFi. Most likely, it's a combination of these things and the fact that more locals and regulars populate O'Malley's than you'd expect at a busy beachside bar, proving it's not a tourist trap or fad like so many other bars littering the beach.

Best Lake Worth Neighborhood Bar

Little Owl Bar

The stretch of Dixie Highway from West Palm to Boynton Beach is a wonderland of dive bars: the Office, Harry's Banana Farm. But the Little Owl Bar is the coziest, with its mix of blue-collar Budweiser drinkers and the Lake Worth progressive set (you shall know them by nose rings or dangly earrings). The Owl's dark main room, sticky floors, old pool table, and flickering TV are always welcoming sights, whether you're here to suck down a longneck on a hot summer day, attend a Food Not Bombs potluck, or watch your favorite all-girl punk band play (Go, Angry Pudding!).

Best Low-Rent Bar

Ed & Elaine's Tiki Hut

Ian Witlen

And you thought you were in the know when you discovered Le Tub! Ha! This place is so low-rent that it doesn't even have walls. There's no door, no sign, no cash register — just a thatched-roof hut decorated with bric-a-brac and a couple of tables nestled right on the shore of the Intracoastal, hidden just south of the Dania Beach pier. Whiling away hours at this gem of a hangout is just like chilling in a buddy's backyard... if your buddy had a backyard minus a house. Owner Ed Colville opens from noon until dark, or whenever he feels like it. He need earn only enough to pay taxes on his little scrap of land. Ed will be happy to grill you a hamburger if you bring some (he doesn't have a food license) or get you a beer out of the fridge he keeps in his shed ($3 for a can, $4 for a bottle). But most of all, he seems to enjoy hanging out here with his family and his dog, loving life and watching the boats pass by. That, and telling dirty jokes to his visitors.

Best Margarita

Le Tub

Dear Margarita,

We’ve been seeing each other for some time now, and I think we’ve reached a point where we should solidify our relationship. I know I’ve been seeing other cocktails — playing the field, so to speak — but I blame that on capricious youth. They never loved me the way you do; they just wanted my pocketbook and a one-night fling. It seems I always wind up back at Le Tub, searching for you. I think it’s time we became exclusive. When we’re together, the stars align and we communicate on a higher, less verbal level. I become hypnotized by the way the humidity clings to the side of your casual yet elegant plastic cup. Then you fill me with a warm, tingly feeling as the moonlight slides across your salty rim. You always leave me wanting more. Le Tub Margarita, please consider me a long-term suitor. After all, you complete me.

Best Martini

Hendrick's Gin Martini with Cucumber at Bova Prime

Banish from your mind those newfangled "martinis" sold in the trendy bars by unscrupulous mixologists. You know the ones. Their active ingredient is vodka, and all kinds of weak boozes have been added to the mix to make them taste like Key Lime Pie or an espresso or an Almond Joy. These drinks are often pretty, and they are often tasty. But they are only "martinis," never martinis. A real martini is a pre-Prohibition gin drink with an unapologetically booze-ish flavor. To try one, go to href="http://bovaristorante.com/">Bova Prime on Las Olas, for there they serve a mighty example of the form. Bova is as upscale as any restaurant on the boulevard — a full meal, plus cocktails, could easily run you $100 — but you'll feel as dapper and happy as any diner if you stop by for just a single Hendrick's martini. Yes, they've got Hendrick's — that wonderfully crisp, cucumber-infused gin in the thick black bottle that looks like it came from an old-world archaeological excavation. They serve it diluted with just a tiny bit of ice water from the cocktail shaker, which emphasizes and excites the gin's rose-petal overtones till they seem to skitter across the tongue. Order mostly dry with a cucumber garnish and discover how good booze can taste when it's not busy tasting like something else.

Best New Bar in Broward

The Living Room

Calling the Living Room a "bar" is like calling a McLaren F1 a "vehicle" or calling Jackson Pollock "messy." Really, just trying to describe a place this chic and transcendentally futuristic with regular sentences seems inadequate. On a typical Saturday night, you might find a red room full of heated bodies, pumping chest-to-chest to the music; a purple room that seems as relaxed as an opium den; and an open-air patio full of beautiful people looking for the right person to go home with. The architecture and design blend water, flowing scented air, shifting colors, and the urban landscape to confuse your senses and open your mind. The place turns your typical evening out into a serene, poetic experience. The only problem: When you awake from this dream, you have to walk back through the rest of Riverfront to find your car.

Best New Bar in Palm Beach

Hibiscus House

We're a few hours into a happy hour at this perfect tropical garden when somebody brings up the idea of going someplace else for dinner. Sure, we all probably need something to soak up hours' worth of alcohol, but nobody likes the idea of leaving a place that feels like an ideal Old Florida backyard. Tables and chairs are scattered across a patio amid tiki torches, a fountain, and tropical fauna, all comfortably spaced out to give groups of drinkers their room. At the full bar nearby, the friendly bartender overhears our dilemma about dinner and offers, "Why don't you just order in? Pizza Girls delivers." Brilliant idea, sir. Before we finish off — what was it? — a fourth round or so, a few boxes of steaming pizza pies arrive from nearby Clematis Street. The guests here — this is a B&B, after all — have probably long gone to bed by the time we ask for the check, which always seems to be missing a few rounds. We join the crowd outside passing between Clematis and CityPlace and then head home, envious of those smart enough to book a room at href="http://hibiscushouse.com/">Hibiscus House who will in a few short hours wake up to a slice of Florida as comfortable as any backyard paradise can get.

Best New Club

Monarchy

Via Monarchy's website

It took the nightlife dream team of Cleve Mash and Rodney Mayo — the guys behind Monkey Club, Respectable Street, Lost Weekend, Dada, and more — to (finally!) make it worth going out dancing again on Clematis. Two things establish Monarchy as a dance club that seems plopped out of South Beach. First, it boasts a top-of-the-line sound system blasting modern club bangers — there's no lame Top 40 playlists and no tired '80s nights here. And second, the décor is both campy and sexy. The theme is very French Revolution, as though the riff-raff just broke into the castle, ousted the king, and turned up the stereo. Brocade wallpaper is ripped in places to reveal a concrete wall underneath, chandeliers shake with every electro thump, and in-house dancers exuberantly make their way through the crowd in tight bodices and curly white wigs, like 18th-century courtesans gone wild. This is the party palace the bourgeoisie has been waiting for — where the beats are deafening, the dance floor is slammed, and the vibe is downright decadent.

Best Place to Get Drunk

Original Fat Cat's

I sometimes picture my liver in the glass bottle of vodka behind the bar. On tough days, it's in the whiskey. If this just worried you, stop reading here... because in the dark, dank world of Fat Cat's, shame isn't welcomed. I know this — I'm the regular, not you. I am not worried that this self-proclaimed acknowledgment will expose me. The barkeeps and fellow patrons don't know where I work or what I do. The staff didn't just walk off the sitcom Cheers. At Fat Cat's, there is no time to get to know you — so shuffle up to the bar and order your drink. That kind of cheery welcome satisfies the lovely, low-maintenance bartenders. This is not the place where female quasi-bartenders stand on the bar — if there's ass shaking in your face, that's because you fell on the dirty ground. Take my lead: Bring to the bar only the companions who understand the lush, drunk, or zombie drunk side of you. In this liquor shop, succumb to the drunkenness and embrace a look that says you have nowhere to go. Be nowhere and everywhere at once — be in your watering black hole.

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