Hey, let's be honest here — you can buy condoms anywhere; there is no need for some special trip if you want the basics. But basically, if you're looking to do anything but the basics, Spice of Life is where you should be buying your condoms. Because while you're at it, you can pick up custom play gear or themed lingerie — whatever you're into, this place has it. The vast assortment of videos, lotions, potions, games, and books makes for a fun shopping experience that inevitably results in warming up the ol' credit card... but your partner will thank you.

Family-owned and -operated, Majestic Car Wash has been keeping Fort Lauderdale's whips nice and shiny for more than 20 years. They've been detailing cars since before GPS was a thing, back when the only talking car out there was KITT on Knight Rider. Majestic Car Wash offers everything from a basic exterior wash to a complete and total auto face-lift, and it does it all with speed and precision. Plus, it's right next door to Best Buy, so you can shop around for computers and stuff while you wait for the patient professionals to fish the fossilized French fries out from between your seats.

It sure was nice of the Toyota dealer to whisper "Psst... what will cost you $1,000 here will run you under 300 bucks down the street" and scribble down this address. And it sure was nicer of the staff here to stick around to replace a catalytic converter at 4:45 on a Friday. If an auto parts store can be "charming," it's this one, its walls decorated with wood paneling, muffler parts, and grease, and the longtime owner, Doug Ketcham, behind the counter writing out receipts by hand, as he has for more than 30 years.

Investing in a car with a price tantamount to a (pre-bubble) mortgage isn't a decision you want to make with any Slick Rick; it's like getting married. So there's a reason so many customers have said "I do" to Alpine Jaguar. This place earned the title of "#1 Jaguar Dealership in the World" in 2009, 2010, 2012, and 2013, and it took the top spot nationally in 2014. Go ahead, listen to that little devil on your shoulder when she's whispering "There's nothing stopping you" in your ear. And rest assured that after you take the leap, the five-star service department will coddle your new baby for years to come. Now, will that be a convertible or the coupe?

Readers' Choice: JM Lexus

If Two& isn't your favorite bicycle shop, it should be. Maybe you already have a favorite bicycle shop, where they charge you a fair price, custom-build you a bike, or craft a hybrid built from various components tailored to specific needs. They might even know the relative merits of fixed gear, freestyle, BMX, road, vintage, cyclocross, velodrome, freak bikes, urban, cruisers, and mountain bikes. But can they do all that and also pour you a beer? Two&, owned by husband-and-wife bicycle-loving team Elmo and Zoe Love, is a bike shop, a bar, and an all-around fun place to hang out. Maybe you've always loved cycling but have never found that special cycling someone to bike through life with. Maybe you haven't owned a bicycle since you hit puberty, but hell, you could use a hobby and some new friends. Check out ongoing events such as World Music Fusion with JokerLive on Tuesdays and "Don't Quit Your Day Job" open mic with Stu on Thursdays.

If Amy Bloom can help organize a marathon with 40,000 entrants, she sure as hell can organize your shindig. With a dose of Southern sweetness she developed in Atlanta, plus a get-it-done ethos she honed in Chicago, Bloom is now applying her mad event-planning skills to South Florida. She's worked with a broad array of corporate and nonprofit clients and helped produce the iconic 101 Gay Weddings event in South Beach as soon as same-sex marriages began this year. Since then, she's made gay weddings one of her specialties. (Though straights will def want to hire her too!) Ultra professional and impossible to rattle, Bloom can pull together any event, even when the flower-delivery truck gets a flat tire or the singer calls in sick. Pretty much all you have to do is show up.

amybloominc.com

Sorry, Jungle Queen, but Bluefoot Pirate Adventures has become the must-do attraction in Fort Lauderdale. Captain Black Sparrow meets families at the dock by Bahia Mar and hooks them up with pirate vests, face paint, eye patches, and swords. Then they hit the water for a cool trip down the Intracoastal Waterway, Sparrow narrating — and sneaking in some adult jokes — while a superfriendly lady pirate, Black Rose, entertains the kids. The fun of blasting water cannons is superseded only by blasting them at a terrible pirate who — surprise! — ambushes the ship in his own boat. The 90-minute ride goes by too quickly, but you can use the picnic tables under a tent for cutting birthday cake or walk across the street to Fort Lauderdale Beach, where a playground is conveniently located. If you're stressing about whether to invite just a few people at $25 per or rent out the whole boat for your party, we say just bite the $600 bullet and fill 'er up. Your kid will remember this one forever, and it's amaaaazing how suddenly those aunts and uncles who dread kids' birthday parties are suddenly clamoring to get on your guest list.

bluefootpirates.com

You know a business is good when its employees stick around for more than 30 years. Such is the case with Clearsight. Walk inside and you'll be greeted by the same helpful staffers — and robust selection — year after year. From Moscot to Chanel, Silhouette to Oliver Peoples, Clearsight carries a stunning array of frames for every face and lenses in every hue. And if you ask, the friendly folks there will gladly give you their opinions on what suits you best. They've been perfecting styles since 1977, so you have every reason to listen. And in true South Florida fashion, they do custom prescription installations in dive masks and craft their own "fishing glasses" ($119) that keep the sun out of the sides. Eat your heart out, Warby Parker.

Need to buy a house, sell a house, or property-manage a house? This is your guy. It’s clear from his kind, twinkly-eyed, church-going demeanor that this is an honest gentleman who would never, ever rip you off. But also: Lurking inside those dad jeans is one fierce real-estate killer — calmer, more organized, and more brilliant a negotiator than your accountant and your lawyer put together. Title company screw up? Moffett will give it a stern talking-to. Confusion over a lien or deed? He will venture to the bowels of the courthouse and find just the document you need. Tenant weaseling out of paying the rent? Nein. No way. Ain’t happenin’. If you’re looking for the biggest real-estate deal in South Florida, it’s right here: paying this dude’s commission.