Every year, as the Van's Warped Tour rolls around, South Florida's youth round up their skate shoes, don their favorite band T-shirts, strap on their studded belts and pukka shell necklaces, and head to the fairgrounds.
But it isn't enough to just dress the part of pop-punk tween; one must thoroughly absorb the power-chord-pop culture. What better way to express your sense of scene than sacrificing your coif for the sake of rock 'n' roll?
Here are five hairstyles that no Warped Tour date would be complete without.
5. The Emotionally Bereft Side-Part
Whether it's the teen drama queen or a sad young lad, this 'do is easy to spot since the head it sits on will be twitching to the left or right (whichever side the part falls to). They are constantly getting it freshly snipped (Shhh! Don't tell anyone!), yet the bangs are still too long to properly eat, drink, watch a band, or even text.
It's likely that those rocking this mop listen to Bright Eyes as intently as your grandmother listens to the Sunday gospel at church. If they aren't mourning their last relationship, they are mourning the loss of the feeling of mourning their last relationship.
It's a good bet those locks are clean, though, so there isn't a better person to risk getting shoved into, because you might not want to get a face-full of any of the following hair.
4. Those in Genetic Denial, AKA Petters
This one is effectually more forgiving on chicks than dudes. There are tools involved in this look (and by tools, we're not referring just to folks wearing their hair this way). The most important of those is the flat iron.
It is a thing of difficulty to watch an awkward adolescent reject his or her naturally straight hair in favor of the "scrunch" or "crunch," as it can alternately be called. Also when a whippersnapper is given the gift of voluminous waves or springy curls, or better yet, the thick textured hair that grows out before it grows long, then chooses to suppress those genetics with a flat iron, just so to fit some sort of social aesthetic.
In the time they've wasted on corralling the strands into order, just to have the humidity instantly warp the shape, these guys and gals could be learning how to play power chords on their Squires or perusing the latest on Pitchfork.
If it seems hard to pick the Genetic Denial type out in the crowd, peek around to catch them literally petting themselves. They look more worried about their hair than about those kids in front of them who are about to break the "no moshing" rule.
3. The Anti-Authoritarian Meltdown
It takes all kinds... of hair products, that is. Just name it: wax, gel, spray, pomade, texturizer. Among the Warped Tour crowd, there will be a bevy of kids with crazy 'dos. Their hair is bound to be held together by something stiff and gooey.
It all wouldn't be so bad either if it were October in North Carolina, but unfortunately, it is July in the swampy ass cheeks of Florida, so the meltdown is inevitable. Luckily, a cleansing midafternoon rain will aid the youngster or aging punk rocker to abandon the style altogether.
2. The Misplaced Space Case
Follow the sounds of ska. There are going to be some misplaced hippies there, bopping their blond dreadlocks up and down.
These folks have nowhere else to go in South Florida. A lot of their musical exposure is limited to the annual Dave Matthews show, unless they leave the state and join the rest of the country for a festival or two. But for those too young to drive that far or those without the liquid capital to make it past the state line, Warped Tour is where it's at for the weekend.
1. The Gender Bender
Not that it matters. But when it's hot, steamy, and you spent the last 20 minutes waiting for the next band to start, at some point, your eyes will soften like the gaze of a yogi and your mind will contemplate the gender of the person before you.
If it turns out to be a dude, it's likely you've been staring into luscious locks past the shoulder blades. You've gotta give a dude like that credit for using flowery shampoo and keeping those tresses on lock. Could have fooled anyone! Not that it matters.
Then there's the other side of the story where you've been staring off into the back of some dude's stylish bob, when suddenly you hear this guy talk about his boobs. In both instances, the subject will be thin, wearing mid-thigh cut-off jean shorts. Not that it matters, but surely it will throw you for a loop.
Vans Warped Tour 2013: With Hawthorne Heights, Forever the Sickest Kids, Man Overboard, Motion City Soundtrack, Chiodos, We Came as Romans, and others. 11 a.m. Saturday, July 27, at Cruzan Amphitheatre, 601-7 Sansbury's Way, West Palm Beach; 561-795-8883; cruzanamphitheatre.net. Tickets cost $23.50 to $37.50 plus fees via livenation.com. All ages.
Follow @CountyGrind
