Apparently carnival workers didn't have a bad enough reputation, so Gregory Matthew Bruni decided to add yet another story to the stereotype and "attack" a Fort Myers couple's home using only his bodily fluids and craziness as a weapon.
The naked 21-year-old reportedly climbed on top of Tony and LaDonna Land's house around 7 p.m. Monday. According to a 911 call, the two heard a noise that sounded like thunder above their bedroom. When Tony went outside to see what was happening, Bruni jumped off the roof, landed on Tony, and began punching him.
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Bruni was arrested and charged with criminal mischief, battery, occupied burglary, and resisting arrest without violence, but not before he could wreak a bit more terror on the Lands.
"Naked Carnie Beats Up Local Man" may sound like a standard Florida headline, but it only gets better. Bruni ran into the house, ripped a flat-screen television off the wall, and dumped the contents of a vacuum onto the ground.
Like any good Floridians, the Lands kept guns in the home, and Tony told his wife to get the gun. She fired three shots at Bruni, who somehow managed to dodge them in what we expect was a hilarious remake of a Matrix shootout scene.
Bruni then started masturbating and ran into the Lands' son's bedroom and started rubbing his clothes all over his face. Deputies arrived to tase and arrest Bruni before Tony could make use of the shotgun he retrieved from the bedroom.
After Bruni was hauled off, deputies found he had defecated in a hallway and near the home's front door.
He was taken to nearby Lee Memorial Hospital for observation, according to Tampa Bay's 10 News, and is still being observed by doctors.
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