Hey good news, everybody! In only a matter of days, Florida will officially be number one in the most people with concealed weapons permits in the country!
According to Florida's Secretary of Agriculture Adam Putnam -- who seemed so proud of the milestone, he thought it would be neat to hold a press conference to share the great news with the whole wide world -- someone, somewhere in Florida will be the one-millionth person to get themselves a concealed weapons license.
"I'm asked about our licensing requirements more than any other topic," Putnam said.
One million people in Florida with concealed weapons?
WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG??
According to Putnam, people in Florida are really in love with the Second Amendment. But since you can't marry an an amendment, the next logical thing to do is abuse the shit out of it and get yourself a piece of paper that says it's totally cool to walk around Winn-Dixie with a hand cannon hidden inside your pants.
The requests for permits have climbed from 250,000 to more than a million over the last ten years or so.
Marion Hammer, head of the Florida affiliate for the National Rifle Association, is super thrilled about one million people walking around with concealed weapons permits.
Because... MURICA!
"It's great news," she said. "When the number of license holders increase, crime decreases. We have a record number of license holders now, and crime is the lowest it's been in 40 years."
Dubious numbers for the win hooray!!
Spokesman for the Coalition to Stop Gun Violence, Ladd Everitt, said, "It should be a concern in Florida. "The state has basically let Marion Hammer write its gun policy."
Pfft. Whatever, hippie. This is Florida where we have gobs ... and gobs .... and gobs of responsible citizens. When people buy guns, crime goes down. IT'S TRUE BECAUSE IT'S ON THE INTRANETS!
Says Putnam: "The Legislature made the decision to protect gun owners and we should respect that."
So, hey. This is not Nam. This is Florida. There are rules.
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