Ah the Miami Dolphins.
They do everything exceptional.
Draft exceptionally... sign free agents exceptionally... score exceptionally... win exceptionally, and have exceptional ideas to make Super Bowl weekend exceptional.
And now they are excelling at pulling off the ole "You Didn't Give Us Want We Want and Now the Team Might Have to Relocate" maneuver with a veiled threat about moving the historic football franchise all the way ten miles north into Palm Beach County.
HOW WILL WE EVER GO TO SEE OUR BELOVED DOLPHINS NOW??
Ever since the Dolphins' bid for public funding to fix their stadium was shot down by the House, team head-honcho CEO Mike Dee has been making the rounds whining about it.
The go-to move here is, of course, to make vague assertions on how when the team can't stay in the city and moves to another town, it'll be all the politicians' fault.
"The Dolphins are one of the only franchises in the NFL that don't have a long-term lease with their community," Dee said last week. "At some point somebody's going to buy the franchise from Steve, and clearly the stadium is the first thing they would need to address."
The city that team owners and CEOs love to dangle out in people's faces when they don't get what they want has always been Los Angeles. It's perfect because L.A. is a big town, a sexy market, and the only show in town has been the Lakers.
But these are the Dolphins -- the franchise that replaced a perfectly good old-school logo with a picture of Shamu... and the franchise that thinks Gloria Estefan will bring people to games in droves because she owns a piece of the team... and the franchise that refuses to fire a general manager who has consistently failed to deliver anything more than a 7-9 season in five years.
Fuck L.A. WE'RE GOING TO MOVE THE TEAM TO PALM BEACH AND THEN EVERYONE WILL BE SORRY!
When asked Thursday about the possibility of moving to Palm Beach County, Dee was vague without dismissing the idea."We're open-minded to all long-term solutions," Dee told the Miami Herald at the news conference regarding the Super Bowl bid.
He later added: "You can't close the door on anything. I wouldn't say it's a priority to evaluate that and march down that road at this time, by any means, but the simple fact is we have to address a long-term issue with the venue. All ideas -- good, bad, indifferent -- should be considered."
Mayor of Palm Beach County, Steve Abrams, says he has not been approached by the team about moving into his town (because it's a veiled threat, you see). And, of course, the team isn't going anywhere.
But it's fun watching the higher-ups fumble literally everything they delve into with this team. If only because it's so damned entertaining
FINS UP!!
/crashes into train carrying gasoline canisters //train derails into gas station
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