Ah, Florida.
We have criminals, just like every other state.
But we have our own special kind of criminal. Namely, dumb ones.
And because we're never in short supply of dumb criminals, we've decided to scour through our Floriderp files to present to you the nine dumbest criminals for all of 2014.
This was no easy task, as you might imagine. Because, holy crap were there A LOT of them to choose from. So we broke it down by categories for you.
2014 was a special kind of dumb for Florida criminals.
So sit back, relax, and enjoy the stupid!
9. Broward inmate clears courtroom when he claims he has Ebola A Broward County courtroom was forced to clear out in October when an inmate told the judge he had Ebola during the morning bond court hearing.
Judge John "Jay" Hurley, who conducts court hearings with inmates over a video system and not in person, announced that the inmate, Joseph Britton, claimed to have the virus that's been making headlines this year.
That's when everyone in the courtroom at Broward's Main Jail bolted, leaving Britton standing alone.
8. A woman in lingerie tries to run over a police officer at a mall parking lot In July, cops got the call about a woman sleeping inside a car in her birthday suit.
The woman, Suzanne Morales, 45, was parked and dozing in the parking garage of Nordstrom on 5820 W. Glades Road, at the Town Center at Boca Raton.
Maybe she was getting a really big head start for Black Friday?
When cops arrived, they found Morales fast asleep. According to the arrest report, police could smell liquor and believed she was drunk, because of course.
Officers attempted to wake Morales by knocking on the window. When she did, they asked her to step out of her car. She refused and locked the car doors.
The officers told her if she wouldn't come out, they would be forced to bust through a window to unlock the car. That's when she turned the ignition.
Morales reversed the car and hit the accelerator, almost running over one of the officers. The car spun out backward, hitting a police cruiser and trapping Morales' car with the police car, according to the report.
Morales was then arrested and charged with obstructing an officer and aggravated assault with a deadly weapon.
7. Men break Into restaurant, steal 640 pounds of fish. Because, Florida.
6. Woman arrested for doing naked yoga on the highway
In July, Ocala Police responded to a public call about an apparently crazed woman doing yoga in the middle of a road. On their way to the scene, someone else phoned 911 to inform them the lady had begun "stripping in the streets,"
5. Cops discover marijuana stuffed inside a the vagina of a woman who was arrested on a separate charge
In May, a woman with an outstanding warrant was arrested in Palm Beach over the weekend after cops found weed in her vagina. The woman had gotten into a heated dispute with a Palm Beach homeowner for "services."
But as they questioned her further, police noticed that the woman had an outstanding warrant out in her name. Before arresting her, an officer asked the woman if she had any drugs on her person. She then confessed to having a bag of weed stuffed inside her vagina.
4. A man legally named Cocaine arrested on drug charges Again, because, Florida.
3. Man arrested after he tries to get away with not paying his dinner bill by getting into the wrong get-away-car
A Delray Beach man had dinner at Dubliner Irish Pub in Mizner Park in May, and when his debit card was declined, he decided to skip out on the bill and get into his black Mercedes and make a run for it in.
Two things went wrong with this plan.
1.) He left his debit card -- which had his name on it -- at the bar
2.) He accidentally got into the wrong Mercedes
2. Man has sex with a pit bull as neighbors beg him to stop
On a March morning, a Florida man apparently decided What the hell, I'm just going to go ahead and bang my dog on my front yard.
So, in broad morning daylight, for all to see, the man dropped his trousers and began having sex with his dog.
When ya get that itch, whatta ya gonna do? NOT have sex with a dog?
1. Man with car logo tattooed on his face arrested for identity theft In July, a Broward man with the logo for Bentley luxury automobiles tattooed on his face was charged with identity theft to file fraudulent income tax returns.
Because what better way to pretend you're other people than with a car logo tattooed on your face?
He also has a shark tattooed on his face and works at a shoe store. So, in case you were wondering exactly which guy with the Bentley logo tattooed on his face, it's the one with the shark tatted on his face who works at a shoe store.
Send your story tips to the author, Chris Joseph. Follow Chris Joseph on Twitter
Follow @NewTimesBroward
