The Bin Laden Tapes: Proof of Life?

Global freedom-hating menace Osama bin Laden has released a new album, and this one sounds like the others. Gaza, Jihad, path of God, Jews are mean, et cetera. Nothing you haven't heard before. In fact, how does the most recent tape prove that The Pajama-ed one lives? Maybe I'm just...

By Thomas Francis

January 14, 2009

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Global freedom-hating menace Osama bin Laden has released a new album, and this one sounds like the others. Gaza, Jihad, path of God, Jews are mean, et cetera. Nothing you haven't heard before. In fact, how does the most recent tape prove that The Pajama-ed one lives?

Maybe I'm just bitter because in 2008 I picked Bin Laden in the office death pool. His survival cost me $15. (It also means New Times calendar editor John Linn profits from terrorists, not that the FBI would be interested, mm?)

My point is that the current conflict between the Israelis and Palestinians, while tragic and horrible, is not exactly unexpected. I can imagine a bunch of Al-Qaeda operatives in a cave with a mortally wounded Bin Laden lying on his deathrock, doing take after take... "OK, Osama, this our last set of D-batteries, so you need to nail it: Pretend the Israelis have just launched a ground attack into Gaza City. And... action!" Or, "This is for the time our operatives bomb a Western-style hotel in Malaysia." Also, "This time we just want to create some 'chatter' to make those sissies at Homeland Security change the color of their underpants from orange to red."

Speaking of dead people who won't shut up, when does the next Tupac album drop?

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